Let Go or Hold On

It's been two weeks since our break up and I believe I'm on the recovery stage already. My emotion has been unstable but I am able to control it lately. Well, it's not really hard to move on, but something is always pulling me back. I tried asking advice from my friends and they have different opinions which made me think about it over and over again. For the girls, there's nothing to hold on to, I shouldn't clarify anything, let the guy make the move if he really wants to. For the guys and feeling guys, I should clarify it because there was no proper closure, I won't be able to move on completely.

I talked with my ex's brother and sister, I'm not even sure if I did the right thing but I think they are the one who can understand better since they know their brother - who is really different. To my surprise, he didn't told them at all - I presumed his older brother knew, maybe he didn't want them to know so that they won't ask any questions. His avoiding AGAIN, that's his talent. For them it was not clear, everything was "assumed" so it's either I confront him for proper closure or I just leave it as it is. Option 1 is what I want but it's really hard to do, I'm going to be the one to confront him again since I'm always the one who reaches out to him anyway. And being a woman, it would be like I'm the one hunting, it's a No No or just pride? 

I'm trying to come up of list as to why I should Hold On or just Let Go.

Holding On...

1. We misinterpreted what happened during our last encounter which was the break-up, we just assumed everything. It really was not my intention to break up with him, maybe it came out wrong and he was not in the mood or he was hungry so that was that. 

2.  Am I really in love with him? Love at first is based on feelings and what seems "right" at the moment. But love takes time, it's a process that both of you should work on even when that positive feeling is gone.

3. It's only been 3 months, 3 months??? I don't commit to short-term relationships, I think it can still work that if he is still willing to compromise.

4. I thought that "This is it!" the relationship I was waiting for after 5 years of waiting and building myself then it ends here? Oh no, I won't allow it or maybe this is just pride?

5. His afraid to reach out to me, he doesn't know what to do. So I should be the one to reach out.

6. Dejavu feels - I didn't fight for my previous relationship now I'm willing to fight for it, but is it really worth fighting for?

7. The rescuer in me, I was able to enter his bubble already and I could have helped him change. If only I was a bit more understanding.

8. We make a good team together - creative, design, travel and etc. 

Letting Go...

1. He is going through a process of finding and understanding himself and there's really nothing I can do about it right now. 

2. He is not that willing anymore and you are not going to settle for just "5" because there's no sense to it.

3. His priority right now is not me ;( He is not ready!

4. It's just not working! We have time and communication issue, I can't stand being a checklist in his schedule and we just misinterpret everything we say to each other.

5. It's draining and not healthy for both of us. It feels like I'm the only one who is trying to make this relationship work unless I want to be a martyr girlfriend.

6. I need to focus more on myself and my family.

7. I can't change him, I have to avoid being the "rescuer"

8. His mood swings drives me carzy!

9. We have different expectations - he wants it the way we were as friends and I want it to be a real relationship - more time!

Right now, I know the best option is just to let go. It's not really that hard to move on since attachment isn't really there yet but I can't stop thinking as well what if it will work out? Give it a try again? Or why is it that my exes won't fight? Am I not worthy enough?

But I know for now, it's better off that we'll just be friends again. If his fixing himself then I have to give him that space. I'm trying to keep our friendship and I don't know how it will work, maybe at first it would be a bit awkward but it can be done with God's grace. 

Follow your Heart or Mind?

Every break-up has a different story - it might be a long-term or short-term relationship, issues with third party or simple misunderstandings, through calm talks or raging fights. Whatever the cause is, the effect is quite similar - I hate going through this post break up thing but really I don't have a choice so let's just get on and be done with it fast. 

While going through the process, your mind would try to think and replay everything that happened and what could have happened. Then conflicts within will begin to arise - just when you think his a heartless jerk, a voice within would say that he's just confused. When you think about all the reasons to give up, the voice would say don't let go. When you think he doesn't love you, the voice would say he just don't know how to express it clearly to you. And it goes on for days until you decide which to follow. Like they say, the heart is the last organ to stop when one dies, I guess that applies to break-ups as well. Because the heart is the one who wants you to keep fighting despite of everything, I'm not even sure if what it says is true. They say, listen to your heart because it knows your true feelings but should I really follow it?

I am at this stage right now, my mind is telling me all the logical reasons why I should just let it go.

1. I am not happy, the connection is lost

2. It's not working and I don't know how to make it work anymore, It's draining!

3. He's not totally ready to commit and give his all

4. He's uncaring and unloving because he doesn't have a clue on this relationship, big EXCUSE

5. He's no longer willing to make the relationship work - he gave me a "5"

But my heart would only say "Don't Give Up!" it's not thinking obviously since it is based on what I really feel inside. Is this really what the heart is saying coz I want to remind the heart that it took 5 years to open up again but it ended in less than three months. I am not going to allow it to get hurt again - but then it whispers I am stronger now. Oh common, I'm talking to myself aren't I? That's the effect of break up so if you are like me, it's normal. But it would help if you can talk to someone not just yourself.

I try to think again that maybe I just love the idea of being in a relationship and not really the person that is in the realtionship. That's why when the relationship was not the one I expected it to be, I got disappointed. Now I just realized that you should focus on the person not the relationship itself, because if you love the person no matter where the relationship goes, it will keep on sailing. 

Another thing I learned about this relationship is ask for help before making a big decision like breaking up, even if the relationship is between the two of you, sometimes you need to seek advise from couple who has been through ups and downs. Those people that both of you can trust and is willing to help out. 

I just realized all of these while I'm writing right now, I know it's not connected to my topic but I'm writing it anyway. 

All I can say is that take your time, don't rush things. Listen to your heart and mind, weigh things and listen to what others say. 

8 Stupid Things Your Friends Say while going through a Break Up

Women usually want to talk - A LOT! especially during the most depressing moment of our lives - the break up. During this moment, we just want to narrate the story over and over again to our friends who at first seem to be concerned but eventually they'll get tired of our whining. 

Note to self, don't talk much to your friends who didn't experience a heart-wretching break up, you may have different stories but the feeling is more likely the same. You'll know them because they are the one who would say these stupid things right after break up.

1. ARE YOU OKAY?

Am I okay? We just broke off, so do you think I am okay? I honestly don't know how to respond to this stupid question because if you say "NO!" they'll pity you and if you say "YES!" they have that questionable look in their eyes. Of course I am not ok (yet) but I know I will be. 

2. MOVE ON!

Oh common, don't you think that I know that? Of course, I want to move on and as simple as it is to say, it's so hard to do because it's a process. Who on earth would want to get stuck on this pain-staking break up? I know I don't want to but it just takes time and action. 

3. THERE ARE A LOT OF FISH IN THE SEA

Woooow! Really? I didn't know that. Duuuuh! Do you really think I care about the billion of other fish in the sea right now? I just lost one, he might not be the best fish in the sea but hey I've invested on that stupid fish. Right now I don't need another fish.

4.  FINALLY YOU CAME TO YOUR SENSES

 

You really think so? Well, I know he can be a jerk sometimes and it took me awhile to realize that he was not good but you don't have to rub it in my face that I got blinded by the red signals.

5. WHAT IF HE'LL COME BACK?

 

Right now? Then I wouldn't be sulking here all day, feeling depressed and not wanting him back, right? Even if I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I miss him so much, that really would just jeopardize everything all over again. So don't let me think of that or else I might do something stupid.

6. IT'S GOOD TO BE SINGLE

Are you sure? I know being single is great and I've been single for quite sometime too but that's no longer what I want right now. Some who are in a relationship might want to be single again, then try it and we'll see how good it is.

7. I KNEW IT WAS COMING

Thanks for being a psychic friend, and slapping me with "I-told-you-so". I didn't predicted it to end, can't you see? I tried my best to keep the relationship from going down the drain and it's painful to see. Don't tell me you knew because I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

8. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

 

Do you have an amnesia pill there? Because no matter how I try not to think about it, I can't stop my mind and it's giving me a headache already. I have been flipping my thoughts every minute, now I'm beginning to flip. It would be easy to hit your head on a wall just to forget about it.

If you have a friend going through a break up, all you really need to do is LISTEN. Don't give unsolicited advices or react on how it was with your break up because you might not have the same experience. Bear with her for a moment, she knows she just needs time and a whole lot of talking to get back on her track. 

5 Things Women Do After a Break Up

Dealing with break up is undeniably difficult especially for women since we have all these emotions enveloping us. Whether it's a long-term relationship of 5-years or a short-term relationship of 3-months, it still hurts though in different scale. But the point is, we go through the same cycle when we experience that thing called "break-up". 

Comparing my two break-ups, of course my 5-year relationship hurts more than my less than 3-month relationship. I thought that I'll get over this in a jiffy, maybe a day or two would do, and I'll skip the other stages of grief - DABDA. No big deal since I really wasn't attached yet. Later did I realized that the stages were quite familiar, too familiar that it scared me. 

I realized that there is a pattern on how we, women, deal with break ups. No matter how strong we think we are, we just have to accept that we need to go through these process to be able to heal ourselves.

1. CRY YOUR HEART OUT

Girls, we are known to be true to our feelings - you don't need to excuse yourself from crying because girls will be girls. No matter how much your going to convince yourself that you're okay, you are not okay (yet) so don't be ashamed to cry because that's the only way we can find ourselves again. But please, if possible do it in private or with a close friend. Don't do it to get the attention like posting a photo of you crying in the social media, you'll only make it worse.

2. TALK TO A FRIEND

Talk to someone you can trust. When women are stressed they need to talk (not so surprising, right?) because that is our outlet to find balance and understand the situation. Most of the time when we start talking we actually don't know what we really want to say, we have something in mind but end up talking about other stuffs before we get right to the point. Talk to a friend who would care enough to listen even if you are not making any sense at all, just let it out. 

3. FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR MIND

After talking to someone, you'll be able to see a bigger picture of the break-up either you were able to see it from your point of view or from other people's perspective. You'll come to a point when you are not sure if the decision you made was correct, you start to think if you should really LET GO or HOLD ON. This is really the most difficult part because this is where your HEART and MIND would not agree, and choosing which to follow would give you both a headache and a heartache. Some say "listen to your heart" while others would say "read your mind", but this would really depend on your situation. I'm having difficulty deciding about it right now, usually the MIND would say "NO" and will tell you all the reasons why it didn't work out, but the HEART would say "GO" all because of that "feeling" you have inside you that seems to be the right thing to do without any reasonable explanation.

4. EUREKA MOMENT

Now it's the make or break moment. If you decide to BARGAIN that means to try to work it out again then by all means do it, no one can actually stop you not even yourself. Even if how many people you ask for advise on what you need to do, the choice is really up to you. It may even come to a point that all your friends will tell you to STOP but you can't because deep within you, you want to still prove something to yourself even if you look like a fool already and even if it hurts. Been there, done that - that's why everytime a friend of mine asks for my advise on this - I ask her what she wants to do because you do crazy things for love. Eventually you will know when to stop too. 

If you decided to just let it go, if you think it will save you from a lot of heartaches in the future, good choice.

5. MOVING ON

You'll expereince a lot of stages like DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) thoughout the breakup but believe me you get through it somehow. There's actually no exact timeline as to when you are going to recover fully, it's a process actually but the important thing is that you are on your way to a greater life. If you tried to give it a second chance and it worked then by all means make it work - I do believe that love is sweeter the second time around as long as both of you are willing to compromise. 

But sadly, it has really come to an end. Then maybe it was just not the right guy or the right time but at least you tried. Always remember, everything happens for a reason either it's a blessing or a lesson. 

The Second Heartache

For almost five years of being single, I finally found someone who I thought was the one - at the moment. Being single is not really that bad, you get to decide on your own what you want to do with your life. But at some point, you'll miss the feeling of having someone to talk to anytime of the day, building your dreams in life, doing crazy things together, travelling together with an action cam following you around.

It wasn't easy for me to fall for any guy, I'm not that picky but I wasn't into guys who would follow me around like a puppy. I wanted a "challenging" guy, someone who has character, who would not easily give in to my beauty (lol), and who stands by his decisions. And there he was, we've been together in a part-time business for two (2) years, people think we were an item but we brushed it off constantly. There were blurry signals since both of us had walls, we were both afraid of commitment.

But fate had it's way or that's how we interpreted it, we got close then closer. Sending mix signals all over, I don't typically assume those little signals but maybe because he was a "challenging" handsome catch, I fell for it. And because I couldn't take it anymore, I confronted him (yes girls, it's okay to confront guys) and asked him about our status. We were both afraid to make commitments for different reasons, but eventually we took the risk.

There it all started, we didn;t go through the usual relationship stage that "honeymoon" phase was out of the picture. Instead we were struggling to adjust with each other's time, expectations, and attitude. TIME was the biggest issue - like any typical woman, all I wanted was a bit of time and attention. He was busy with his work and building his career. From my point of view (not to be bias), I tried to understand and didn't want to demand, but if I'm not going to ask for it, he won't give it to me. I feel like I'm just another to-do in his to-do list, if I'm not in the schedule then I'm not part of it. Then he have issues with COMMUNICATION, not only because he doesn't text me as often as I want him too but we seem to misinterpret each others conversation. We end up fighting over little things, little words, little of everything. This really wasn't the relationship I wanted it to be, I know I have expectations on my side but I tried to adjust because everything was new to him - it was his first time to really commit in a relationship since highschool. I tried to understand but I end up hurting because I feel neglected most of the time and the funny thing is that he isn't even aware that I'm feeling that way (well, I think guys usually have no idea).

I have a long list of frustrations from small things like texting to big things like no show for the 1st monthsary. I've been blabbering to my friends and they told me to tell him, I have issues on expressing what I really feel or want. When I couldn't take it anymore, I told him but we end up arguing because he feels being judged and that really wasn't intention I was just being honest. From my calculation, we have arguments once every two weeks, when I'm silent then there's no issue. But I cannot just stay quiet and ignore my own feelings, it's killing me inside too.

In less than three months, our relationship was going down the drain and I don't know what to do anymore. So I confronted him and asked directly if how much is he willing to make our relationship work and he answered me with a "5" from a scale to 1-10. So all his actions were confirmed because he was only half willing to make it work, I'm was thinking the 5 half empty not half full so I assumed that he doesn't want to continue because of too much drama and time constraints. I may have misintrepreted what "5" really is but I didn't want to force him. If he really wants to then he has to prove it, I wanted it to work but I couldn't do it alone.

Though it didn't work out, I did learned a lot from this short relationship.

1. Break the wall - I was able to free myself from the walls of my fear of commitment. I know I was afraid to get hurt again, but this relationship taught me to conquer that fear.

2. Swallow Pride - Pride is the killer of every relationship, and in my previous relationship I had a lot of it. Though I still have my pride but I didn't allow it to consume me.

3. My Own Persona - He's uncaring and unloving attitude reflected who I am in my family which I need also to improve.

4. Man and Woman are very different - the way we think, we talk, we act, we interpret things. This is usually what ends a relationship, I was reading a book "Men, women, and relationship" but even if I am aware about it but if you are already in the situation it is really quite difficult to assess it.

5. Relationship requires effort, hardwork and WILLINGNESS - It's not only men who needs to do all the efforts, or the woman to do all the sweet moments, it requries both of the couple to make it work. 

All is Well After All

It's really been awhile since my last post, I wasn't planning to write again but I read some of the comments in here hoping that I am okay and found someone new already (thanks for leaving a comment by the way). Well, if you have not read my break-up story in this blog, it was just the normal 5-year relationship break up story. Young sweethearts in love or commonly known as "First Love" for both of us, we thought that love would last forever but sadly it was not a happy-ever after, boy meets another girl - end of story. See, there really wasn't anything extraordinary about our love story, I bet you heard the same story million times. But believe me, if you experience it first hand not just in the movies or your friend's break-up, it will surely try to kill you piece by piece. It's no joke! How I cope up with it was through this blog, I wrote all my feelings and searched sites on how to fix a broken heart, I was so desperate - that was 3 years ago.

Moving forward now, as I try to recall and read through my blogs, what seemed before as a tragedy now had opened the doors of opportunities. I won't deny that I was hurt, I really can't explain how overwhelming the pain was but it's really up to you if you want to stay that way, I chose to stand up and took it as an opportunity to become a better me. 

I lost a part me but I was able to re-gain the lost me. Being single is really not that bad after all, I was able to do things I want to do which I couldn't if I was in my previous relationship due to some trust issues. I joined different organizations - SFC (Singles For Christ) to be closer to God; Mountaineering Group to explore the mountains; IMG (International Marketing Group) to learn more about how to achieve financial security; it was also the time I got promoted in my job and I got to travel different places both local and international. Isn't it amazing? So if you ask how am I doing? I'm doing great! I believe God has a purpose, as they say when one door closed another door or rather doors open, you just got to have the strength to open it.

     

Trip to Netherlands

SFC Conference

                                                     

Climbing Mt. Naopa

Now for the other tricky question, do I have someone new? The answer is --- NO! I know the first thing that would pop up in your mind is that I have not moved on yet, but I could say I moved on coz just this July our path finally crossed though I had an advantage because I know he will be there. Just to cut the story short - we met a fast food chain where they planned to have lunch, I know because I was going to meet one of his friend for an appointment. Though at first when I saw him my heart was pounding in my chest but later on it calmed down and I was about to chicken out but thought what the heck it's now or never so I went over their table and said "hi there" and he was 'surprised'. While I was in their table I just chat along with his friends and he was silent, there was no more anger or pain. Alleluia! It was just like having an old friend except he was not talking, I didn't stayed long when I left I even said "Hi-5!" a sign of friendship and affirmation to forget about the past, it was a great feeling.

I had few suitors and flings but nothing serious, I honestly don't know if I'm afraid to fall in love again aside from they are not really the one I'm looking for. Though sometimes I do long for someone to lean on and have a travel buddy, I'm more cautious now or maybe I'm not just ready yet. I've came across a book on how to find your one true love and it says "To find Mr. Right, you must become Ms. Right first".

If you're going through a bad break up today, I assure you that you'll get through it somehow IF you chose to. Yours might be worse than mine but I know how excruciating the pain is, first step is you need to DECIDE what you really want to do in your life - are you going to lock yourself for the rest of your life or open the other window to see the light of other side? It would take time, yes indeed, but surely time alone won't heal you, you need to act on it. And most importantly, PRAY, ask God for courage and strength to stand up and face the world again; seek for guidance and ask Him to lead you to the right path. Everyday is a struggle but at the end of the day you can say 'All is well after all!'.

What it feels like to be - The Other Woman Part 1

I don't know what's with the movies these days that "kabit" thing is so rampant, it started with the "No Other Woman" then "The Mistress" and just recently "The Secret Affair" which are all a blockbuster hit. I guess this is rampant now in the society and I for one had experienced this first hand though we were not married but still there's the "other woman" issue. I really despised people who are ruining other people's relationship, I just really don't get why "other woman" would be so insensitive, cruel, stupid, dumb, ruthless, etc. Don't they think? They are hurting someone and might hurt themselves too since they are entering into a "bawal na pag-ibig" restricted love affair. I had a long list of questions on these so called "Other Woman" like why can't they respect a relationship; why can't they just ignore stupid unfaithful boyfriends who are flirting with them; why can't they say NO? and my list goes on and on. 

Who would have thought that after a year of blabbering these questions about "other woman", I would end up answering them myself. Just to make it clear from this point, I am not one of the "other woman" and I will not allow myself to be and that is my promise to myself, but I experienced how it feels like to be one though and it really was quite hard to be labeled as one.

Honestly, I didn't even have any idea how the whole thing went out of hand, was I too nice? I only know that we are friends and that is that coz I know from the start that he has a girlfriend and to make things more complicated they are both a friend of my ex, small world isn't it? He even knows our love story from the start to the end, he has too many information about our breakup and after breakup which I was really curious since I know he is not that close to my ex, but his girlfriend is. Anyway, we work in the same company but different department, he just contacted me because of a survey and from there we had a constant communication through chat. We get along well, I mean we can talk about anything and though he is a bit too frank sometimes, well, okay most of the time, but I just brushed it off. From there, he treats and invites me for breakfast, lunch, snacks or dinner and even waits for me until I go home and even "hatod" me at our house. At first, I really didn't mind at all but my officemates were already teasing me and warning me at the same time, I know there was really "something" but I just denied it, I didn't want to be a "feeler" coz again we are friends, JUST friends and again he has a girlfriend though they were not in good terms. If I abruptly ignore him, it might seem that I am guilty of something which I am NOT, but I was already aware of the changes and I was on red alert.

And one Thursday night, he admitted that he had fallen for me, we talked it out because I don't want us to feel awkward towards each other, I had already considered him as a friend. He knew what I went through before and I don't want to enter that kind of situation in which I am the one being considered as "the other woman" and what made things worst was that we are interconnected with my ex, can you imagine that if someone will ask, who's that girl? "Oh, she's the ex-of *****" like what? It's really a small small world and I really don't want to be labeled as the "other woman". He knows that, he knows this is quite a complicated thing and he doesn't know why and what's with me (lol) but he said I should be open to the possibilities, maybe not now but in the future, I should try to open my heart to that and all I can say is NO, NO, NO! I told him that I respect relationships and friendship at the same time that's why I confronted him.  He offered an unsolicited advice that I shouldn't be too nice (uh-oh). I thought after that talk everything was cleared but my mistake it just got started and I really don't know why I myself can't ignore him.

Everything I have said before about the other woman bounced back to me, it was like a slap on my face - why can't I push him away? Am I enjoying this attention? What if his girlfriend will know, am I dead? Will my ex know, will he laugh at me? And my list goes on and on, I was honest with him, I told him about this and that he should hold on to their relationship or else I'll be the one to move away which I really don't know why I cannot do. I was really happy when he was pursuing his girlfriend again and tried to mend their relationship, though we still have a constant communication, I was always asked for their updates and they were doing well. But he still has that "something" sometimes which I just ignored, you know him being too caring and all, again, I don't want to be a "feeler" and he'll just say to me that he knows we're friends and there's no need to remind him about it - duh! Until when I knew that his girlfriend, by the way knows me since she is close with my ex's didn't bother at first but could feel something also, which is very natural at all. I wanted to meet her, but he wouldn't, he might feel guilty or uneasy, there was one time when we saw them and he just ignored us as if we don't know each other -WTH. And then her girlfriend is suspicious already, I can feel it, women's intuition - been there, done that. I was thinking that if she would confront me, I am really not guilty at all coz I always said "NO" and I am firm with it, his boyfriend knows that and from the start I made that clear but I know I made a mistake also, I should have stopped him.

Realizations:

1. Being labeled as the "other woman" is hard, it doesn't matter if your intention is to be just friends, from people's point of view if you are together with someone who is in a relationship then you will be labeled as it is already which is really unfair esp. if your friendship started in between their relationship, it's a no-no.

2. It is not always the "other woman" at fault or the destroyer of the relationship, it depends on who initiated the affair. I realized that boys will always be boys, so the labeled other woman should control herself and not fell into the trap or she'll be sorry. Learn to say NO that's what I did, and he was thankful for it.

3. I learn to say NO from my experience since I was once in the shoes of his girlfriend, I always kept on thinking about that. If not from that experience, I would have made one of the biggest mistake of my life also. Luckily, I used my brain and my heart is not functioning properly yet.

4. Though honestly, I was kilig because it had been quite a long time since somebody had made efforts to make me feel special, I guess that was one thing why I was not able to get out of it; and though I don't want to admit it but I realized that it was about my ex also - I guess part of me wants to be updated still, damn. It's his fault, he always digs up my past which I like and hate at the same time.

5. Do not be too nice, wrong people might fall in love with me. Hahaha! This was his unsolicited advise, I'm really not sure what being too nice is, I'm just being me. and FYI, it took me quite a long time to open up again since I was really used to NO BOYS ALLOWED territory.

If that wasn't LOVE, then I don't know what love is.

It's been quite awhile since my last post and I really wasn't planning to write in this blog anymore though I check it sometimes together with my other blog. Anyway, there's really no update between me and my old friend but just lately because of a common friend, this topic surfaced again. 

The word LOVE is a common term being used today but it's unusually difficult to define. It's a feeling, yes, it's a variety of different feeling but how would you know if that feeling is already what they so called love? Well, I guess you'll only know it when you experience it first hand and even so it's difficult to explain.

True that I had been hurt, wounded and stabbed before, nothing can really describe how I feel during those moments and I really don't want to experience it again like the roller coaster ride that literally took my breath away. BUT then I realized that the pain I felt was equal to the love I felt; if you love much and was loved  much then expect the pain to be a big bang; likewise if you love a little and was loved a little then the pain would just be a scratch. I'm not saying that she/he was in more pain because he/she loved more or the years of their relationship is much longer; it really doesn't matter - it's the same pain, the same heartache.

It's been over a year already since it happened, and I would've labeled it as one of the 'tragic' moments of my life but then I came to realized (slowly) that it wasn't really that bad, Oh! the pain was excruciating, I could compare it when I lost my grandpa. But the end result was quite surprising, I mean, OMG, I survived! I had slowly buried my past but when I'm at my happiest and gloomiest day, he pops out of my mind - he as my bestfriend and not the lover.

I have a regular communication with a mutual friend of ours and our conversation would almost always include my past which I hate and love at the same time. He knows so much about what had happened between us which is quite exciting and frustrating though I really don't mind talking about it. But he had said something that had really stirred my mind, it was like literally mind-blowing. He said "You didn't fought for ALL the right things he had done, you left him for the ONE unfaithful thing he did" upon reading this phrase repeatedly, tears uncontrollably sprung in my eyes. He was absolutely wrong, I didn't left him, he pushed me away; he was the one who needed space and couldn't decide, what does he expect me to do? Wait and wait and wait? He didn't know my side of the story, he was wrong absolutely wrong BUT he had a point - a very good point. When the boat started to sink, I lost my grip and though I held on to it for awhile; I didn't thought I had enough strength to pull us back so I let go.

I let go because that was what I thought was best for both of us; I let go not because I hated him though partly but more on because I loved him - to the extent that in spite of how much he had hurt me, I forgave him without any hesitation and grudge; I tried hard to kept mum on our issue esp. to my family for his sake;   and I never closed my door for our friendship. I fought, the way that I know I could; I didn't go beyond because I know it would only complicate more and might be bloody too (lol).

Anyway, I kept on thinking about this over and over for the past few days, I know shouldn't dwell on this much but damn it made me dig and open my past back. I didn't regret what I did, I just had some what-if thoughts on my mind and I keep on telling myself that everything happened for a reason. There's no way to turn back time, some people had asked me if I could turn back time, what is that one thing that I could change? I answered "I shouldn't have given my 101% TRUST", again this is about trust and not love. I guess it was okay that I poured my love since I received it also but maybe just maybe when I didn't trust him well then I could have been more observant and cautious of the changes around us - but then again PAST IS PAST. So now I'm moving on and I deserve a pat in the back for doing what was right, I may have made a mistake or overlooked the situation but I know that was the right thing to do and it was all because of LOVE - for myself, my family, and even my love for him.

Have You Really Moved On?

A lot of people had been asking me this question for the nth time, "Have you Moved On?". And honestly, I don't know how to answer that question and at times my answer varies depending who had asked me. What does "moving on" really mean? Does it mean that my feelings for my ex are gone as if I hit my head and all those had memories just vanished? Or does it mean that I am moving forward and letting go of the past, but bringing along those memories that had made me who I am today? 

They say that it would take 3 months to move on for a relationship that lasted for a year, 6 months for a 2-year relationship and so on. I have no idea where this stupid moving on calculation came but as I tried to do the math on this since our relationship was for 5 years so it would take 1 year and a half to move on - which instantly I shrugged off since that's too long. But now that 10 months had passed, I realized that the calculation above was all wrong, there's no equation on how long or short the moving on process is, it's all up to you. I have heard some stories that just a month after a break up they entered into a new relationship which most say is the "Panakip Butas" (covering up just to forget the old one) relationship. Then there's the story wherein indeed it would take years before moving on and that person is likely to be overcautious on love or doesn't want to enter in a relationship because she's afraid of getting hurt again. Another is that even though one had entered into a new relationship but still hasn't moved on from the past which is really not my kind of story.

People had told me that I handled the break up very well and asked me how I did it. Since this was my first heartbreak to someone who I have loved so much, it really wasn't easy at all but I tried my best to uplift myself, that's why I started this blog and instead of blabbering all my feelings to my friends, I just wrote it here as my personal journal. I took a quiz "Are you over your ex?" and the result was that I was just PRETENDING and is pretty good at it - like whaaaat? We'll it's quite true I guess, it's those memories and the lost friendship that is holding me back us of now. With regards to communicating and dealing with my ex - I've accepted it and try to be happy for him, I'm not closing my door for the friendship but as of now, we decided to distance ourselves from each other.


I had searched through the net and found out "20 Ways to Tell You're Over It"


1. You have stopped competing with your ex. 

- I'm not sure sure what competing here means? If it's about you have yours, I'll have mine someday then I really don't care. 

2. Hearing what your ex is up to doesn’t make you cry or feel worthless or angry.

- I never was a stalker and never will. And I told my friends that I don't want any updates on him, I just don't want to hear anything about him especially when he tries to contact my friends asking about me.

3. Memories don’t hurt you or make you cry.

- I'm having a difficult time with this matter as of now.

4. You’re no longer trying to prove that you’re over it – to your ex or to anyone else.

- That's why I'm writing this blog to access myself coz I don't know where I am now. I know I should careless of what people or my ex says.

5. You’ve stopped reading their horoscope (assuming the ex is of a different sign).

- I really don't read his horoscope.

6. You don’t go to places just hoping to bump into your ex.

- I don't go to those places because I don't like to bump into him.

7. You stop trying to hack into their email or constantly checking their online diary (blog) or dating site profile. 

- I lost track of his emails and passwords since before we broke up.

8. Hearing a special song makes you feel nostalgic and not tearful.

- Still makes me remember him.

9. You no longer care what your ex thinks of you.

- I don't want to care, but why do I care? Hahaha

10. You stop wondering if your ex misses you.

- I convinced and forced myself that he doesn't miss me at all, even though he sometimes contact my friends on ho am I doing. 

11. You stop making excuses to get in touch.

- We had a mutual agreement to stop communicating, even if we hadn't I wouldn't also coz I'm dead tired of making the first move.

 12. You no longer drive by their home or work (or any other place you think they might be.)

Our home is to far away and I don't even know if he has a job or not. Last update I asked about him was if he had graduated and that was all.

13. You have actually arrived at the conclusion the break-up was “for the best”.

- Yes, I have prayed and God had told me that everything that had happened is for the best and that the best is yet to come.

14. When something really good or bad happens, you, inadvertently phone someone else to share it with.

- Never thought about this but yes, sometimes. But with my friends now, supposedly it should have been him but I am getting used to it again - not telling anyone about what I'm feeling not even my friends.

15. You’ve stopped counting the days and weeks since the break-up.

- I count the months when I write my blog.

16. By taking your power back, you have started to go back to places you enjoyed going to, but have been avoiding, because they reminded you of your ex.

- The places I want to go, where the places we hadn't been yet; well, I guess except the malls which I had already conquered that fear.

17. When you are on a date with someone new, you don’t keep telling stories about your ex; nor do you compare the new person with your ex.

- I promise myself not to talk about my ex, IF I have someone new.

18. When you dream about your ex, it doesn’t leave you depressed for the entire day.

- Not the entire day, maybe just half of it. Haha

19. You’ve stopped buying the foods your ex liked out of habit, and have started to buy the foods you like.

- I don't even know his favorite food but I do know he doesn't like vegetables neither do I. Haha

20. You no longer hold hope you ex will come back nor would you consider re-uniting if he or she did.

- I have again forced and convinced myself that there's no more "One More Chance" not just because my friends would kill me but because it's really difficult if the "TRUST" is broken, it would never be the same. We can be friends but no longer lovers and I stopped hallucinating that we'll meet "somewhere down the road" one day and ignored all the signs that he showed me that he'll be back soon.

11 out of 20 of this I have gotten over my ex, though not 100% I guess that's not really bad, right? I had given myself time to heal this broken heart of mine, I know I don't need to rush things and I shouldn't care of what people say. The only people who can only understand are those that had experienced this kind of feelings, you can never explain as to why you're doing this and that, I guess that's what you called LOVE. And I just don't believe that "Moving On" is when you forget everything about your ex because that person will always be part of who you are. I know would take time to heal but you need to take action on it not just waiting for that uncertain time, there's no accurate equation as when or accurate truth that you can fully moved on when you find someone you; it's all in your hands. 

Exactly 6 Years Ago

It was exactly 6 years ago that we first met at one of the grandest celebration being held in Cebu, the Sinulog Festival and coincidentally it is the same date today, January 15. I know I shouldn't dwell much on this because "Past is Past" which I had been forcing myself to think and believe for 9 months already. But can you blame me? This was one of the events that really reminds me of him, of us, of what we used to have. The first time I was able to really join and celebrate Sinulog in which I went out of the house even if my lolo didn't allow me to, was when we first met. And for 5 years, oh actually 4 since last year he didn't want me to tag along with him which started our ending, he was my companion on walking the streets, holding my umbrella, guiding the road. So can you blame me if this particular day, this event and festivity would always remind me of him? Both happy and sad memories combined.

I joined another group for this year so I can make new memories, I wanted to have fun and enjoy this day as if it was my first time to join Sinulog and erase all the past memories of this. But I know I can't and it just can't be, though I was hoping I would find someone who would help me make those memories; unfortunately I wasn't able to find one, I guess I wasn't looking at all. I was looking but I was afraid I might spot him along the crowd with her. He is just so UNFAIR!!! And I'm just so damn STUPID, why am I still feeling this way?

I'm tired of this feeling, why can't I just stop thinking about him? I don't even now if he can associate this event with me? His cousin told me that he had written our sort of love story in his compiled songs and so? It really doesn't matter, why should I care? I hate him, I hate myself even more for acting such a fool. Luckily, I only act as a fool in this blog, I hardly tell anyone about my true feelings especially that it has been  9 months. Can you believe it, 9 months and I'm still recovering, DAMN! There's really something wrong with me and I know the only cure for this pain is the one that had inflicted it in the first place - Love.

Maybe it was because my companions for today were couples or was it that nobody was carrying my umbrella anymore? No, actually it was more on that I had no company to go to Sto. Nino Church, I had no one to constantly check, text and yell where to find each other, I walked along the road and through the crowds alone, and I went home all ALONE. I hate the feeling that I need someone by my side, is it my fault that I was accustomed to it for 5 years? Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I'll just deny everything I said here.

2011 - My Rollercoaster Year

Life is a roller coaster ride, as they say,

And as most of you know, this year wasn't that OK,
2011 has been one heck of a ride,
With so many twisted loops from every side.

I had plunge into one of the deepest valley,
It felt like it was indeed an endless journey,
Alone and breathless, I started to shiver and cry,
But surprisingly, somebody had raise me up, up in the sky.

So then I realized I wasn't and never was alone in this ride,
I had my family and friends who never left my side.
Though the ride wasn't that smooth all through the way,
I wasn't that afraid anymore, I just sit tight and pray.

Now as I try to recall, 2011 wasn't that bad at all
I had been to many places and even met some new and old friendly faces.
God has His own ways of answering a prayer,
Honestly I don't understand but I know it's for the better.

Thanks for riding along with me this year,
and for bringing joys and cheers!

Haunted by the Past

Was it merely a coincidence that October 31 is Halloween where ghost from the past would likely to haunt you  or was it intentionally done to make the hairs stand. Whatever the reason is I really felt the goosebumps when my ex had subscribed my Facebook account, I mean common - what for? what now? 

I really don't know if it was really him or his curly-haired elderly-faced girlfriend checking into my account. When that notification popped up in my account, I thought I was just hallucinating then I looked at it again and then I saw their faces so I was not hallucinating his name appearing in my profile but the question is WHY? WHY? WHY? 

If it really was him why would he subscribe? I know for a fact when you subscribe to a person you can get updates from him/her without adding him/her as a friend. Does he want to be updated with my life? And then I go back to the question WHY? He wants to know how am I doing, my status, my life or whatsoever then WHY? So I know now that he still views my profile maybe once in awhile, is he stalking me? I want to laugh thinking about this, now who has not gotten over between the two of us? I stopped stalking them months ago even before our final talk, I never bothered them from the start just a little poke here and there, I never said a word directly against them even if it was so tempting at that time. Why can't he leave me alone once and for all, he had made his decision, and though it had hurt me so much, I accepted it.

Well, if that was the elderly-faced woman it's another story if I'll know that it was really her. A fight she wants then a fight she'll get, I won't really back-off if she'll start the spark I'll blow it up for her, lol. But honestly, I don't think she deserves my time and attention. What's her intention? So that I can be able to get a glimpse of them together? Is that how low she is? I really don't mind and besides I already saw that though it hurt at first but then I thought okay so? If she's insecure about me, then that's good to know. She should be because from the start I never showed any sign of insecurities towards her, when I knew it was her I can't help but laugh and wonder - HER? Oh Please. 

Whether it was him or her, it was unsubscribed immediately like a ghost it appeared then disappeared. I don't want anything to do with him anymore, I blocked him from my Facebook as suggested by a friend. We don't need any updates, whatever connections we had before, everything should be cut off. I just don't want anything to do with him, I don't want to see him anymore, I don't think I'm angry like I said I don't want to hold any grudge so to avoid building up that grudge, I just want to move on and leave the past behind. I asked my some of my friends and most of my family member to delete him in their accounts. I think he would notice by now, and I should not care anymore if he's hurt, I was hurt too - sooo much. 

All I ask is TIME and DISTANCE from each other and that is all. I never closed my window for our friendship but I already locked the door shut for what we had before. Nothing we'll ever be the same, everything had changed.

6 months and counting...

Can you believe that 6 months had already passed since we broke up? And can you even believe that 6 months had already passed and I'm still going ga-ga on what to do about this heart-wrenching pain that keeps on coming back again and again. Oh God, I really don't know what to do anymore. I tried everything and I mean everything that I can do just to get over him and this stupid past relationship but I still end up crying. I did what wasn't really the common things a girl should do when faced with this kind of heartbreak which are the following:

1. No Grudge - From the start, I made a promise to him and myself that I would not and will not hold any grudge on him. Though there are times that I feel like I want to hit him and shout at his face which fortunately I cannot and hopefully will  not do . Good luck to him and to me if I explode - boom. But God said, harden not your hard and that is all I want to do.

2. Ignored the OTHER woman - I could say that I have second thoughts on why I did this but then I know I did what was right, maybe not in the eyes of the many but in the eyes of God. There are lot of times that I despised the OTHER woman than my ex-boyfriend, and I guess that's just the normal reaction of anyone who lost something precious that supposedly belonged to her. This was really very hard to control, even until now, I still don't like to see that elderly-faced curly-haired woman. She's lucky I didn't confront her, I really cannot imagine myself if that would happen. I didn't make a fool out of myself and thank God; but if I hear a word about her talking about me, then a fight she wants, a fight she gets.

3. Mouth-zipped. Even if my world was in topsy-turvy and I wanted to let it out, I kept everything in silent thinking that this is the way I can get over him. But NO, they said you have to let it out, but then if I let it out my friends would say I still haven't got over him yet. So I decided to be stay mummed about any subjects about him and it did worked for my friends side since they thought I'm okay now, but deep inside everything is just ready to burst but I don't know to whom I should let it out. I know my friends are tired of listening to me, I'm even tired of myself. So I have no choice, I'm trying to be strong because that is what they expect me to be. I'm afraid this I might have a breakdown or something.

4. Trust in God. I put everything in God's hands now, I truly believe that this is what He has planned for me; though I might not understand it but I put all my trust in Him. I know one thing for certain is that He has greater plans for me and He doesn't want me to make a mistake I might really regret, and that is why this has happened. Everything has a reason, I know it's for the best, I just have to learn how to accept it fully with arms wide open. 

I survived September 29

I thought this day would be a headache but I was wrong. Everything went well more than I expected it to be. Thank you Lord. Actually I was afraid and confused, I hate it when something reminds me of him; I know it would really take a long time for this to heal, I tried everything that I can do but still there are times (so many too mention) that memories keep on flashing back and tears just fall out of my eyes uncontrollably. Actually I made a poem before his birthday came to an end, I was going to post or send it to some friends but then it wouldn't do any good. So I just saved it in my mobile but it got deleted so I made another one, similar to the original.

Happy Birthday bB
The revised version (Lost the original)

This day holds so many memories,
A lot of sleepless nights of making scrapbooks, songs and poetries;
I can't help but smile remembering those days,
But here we are now going separate ways.

I guess those memories are just hard to forget
It keeps on replaying like an old cassette
And sometimes I just can't help but cry
Knowing that we already said our goodbyes

Who would have thought this would happen?
I know I didn't, it was really so sudden.
You said you didn't want to see me in pain
But it's too much, I just can't explain.

God has a reason, I may not fully understand
But I know everything is going accordingly as planned
I put all my trust in God the Almighty
I know someday I'll smile again wholeheartedly.

For now, it will just be this way,
Happy Birthday is all I wanted to say.
And indeed I hope you are happy,
I wish you all the best bB.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

I prayed that this month would be a better one for me but it was the complete opposite. I thought everything would be okay, I mean it's been 5 months already and I'm so tired, I really don't know what to do anymore. I did everything that I can do but the pain is just too much, I guess I was suppressing the pain that I feel inside and I don't know how to let it out, should I cry? Again? When will my tears run dry? 

People think that I'm okay now, that's good, since I really don't want them to see that I'm so weak inside. They can see the smile on my face, but they don't know I'm hurting deep inside. So I decided to tell them not to update me anymore about my EX's life, I don't care if they had communicated, I don't care if they see him especially with that elderly faced curly-haired woman. I just don't care anymore, I don't want to hear anything about him, I want him out of my life BECAUSE it's just too painful. 

Updates that I received from my friends/family are the following:

1. A friend of mine had exchanged comments in FB with my Ex. She told him that we'll be going out to Rainforest Park and my ex said he'd like to come but I know he's still ashamed. I didn't read their comments, I just don't want to. He said that maybe soon, he'll be joining us again. At first, I was like it's okay but then I changed my mind; NO! He can no longer be part of the group, he can only join us once I have a new boyfriend already and I'm dead serious.

2. Another friend of mine saw him and the elderly faced curly-haired OTHER woman in the mall where I last saw them. I really have a phobia now when entering that mall, I just don't like to see them together, especially that b*tch because I might do something that I'll surely regret. It was a good thing that I was able to handle myself well during the first time I saw them but I just don't know anymore why my hatred towards that b*tch grew deeper now.

3. My younger sister either through chat or comment had communicated with him, I guess he greeted her on her birthday. I didn't like to hear the details but she only said that he asked how am I doing? How am I doing? Does he really want to know? B*llshit! He told my sister to take care of my younger brothers and take care of me? Huh? What do you care? Can he just STOOOOOOOOP communicating with my friends and family? I hate hearing news about him asking about me, it's just b*llshit!

I apologize for some words in this post, I just cannot control my feelings anymore. I tried very hard not to get this pain and most especially the grudge I feel to overwhelm me but I can't help it. I forgave him but I just cannot forget. Oh Lord, please help me. There's also this movie NO OTHER WOMAN, that's driving me nuts and some of friends are tagging me on this topic. Well, I guess I'm stupid coz I kept on posting about it also, lol. Why is it everything today there's always anOTHER woman, they should be ashamed of themselves. And just yesterday, I just don't know why her elderly faced popped in my wall, does she really want me to post her face and tagged her THE OTHER WOMAN? If her face was Christine Reyes as his father had said then it wouldn't be hard for me to accept and move on. But oh common, you replaced me with her? Not to brag or be rude but I can really question his taste, maybe that's why he hasn't posted a photo of them together, I want to know the reaction of everybody. Hahaha!

And then, the worst part of September is his birthday which is really getting nearer and nearer and I'm getting crazier and crazier each day. When we broke of peacefully, I already decided right there and then that I wouldn't greet him on his birthday nor congratulate him when he graduates (I really thought before that I would take a rest day for this event but now I'm no longer part of it :( It hurts to know that I have been there for him, I even made some of his assignments and projects when it comes to writing and reflection,  and I wanted to witness that day when he finally graduates from college).

I deactivated my Facebook just now and will reactivate it on October, it's not that I cannot control myself from greeting him but I'm just anxious about who will be greeting him on that day. I hope he didn't post his birthday because we have lots of common friends, I hope they're smart enough not to bring topics about us. I really hope, but then sometimes I imagine I like it to happen and I know some of their supportive friends would react or something, maybe my friends would react too which would be quite a scene I love to imagine but only imagine. This is also the no.1 reason why I didn't want them to update me anymore, I just told them earlier so that it will stick in their heads and mine too. So it would really be better to wake me up when September ends... 

Who am I Kidding?

I tried my best to be strong,

Even though I know everything is wrong.

No matter how much I try to hide the pain,

It keeps coming back and it's driving me insane.

I really don't know what to do anymore,

Lord, PLEASE, help me find a cure.

Though I know I'll get over this somehow

But I want to end this hurting now.

I pretended to be okay,

Coz that is what I want people to say.

But really who am I kidding?
This pain is just too overwhelming.

No More One More Chance

I honestly believed at first about one more chance, well maybe partly because I loved that movie but also because I think there's always room for another chance. Then as days passed by and things are getting much clearer now, I realized that not everything deserves another chance and one of that is - US. I honestly don't know why he keeps on mentioning about the future, maybe I'm just hallucinating and all - he said maybe one day he'll be back not mentioning anything though. I know he will I mean we have lots of common friends but I don't think if ever that will come, we could be good as new. As friends there's a possibility but that's that and nothing more and I would like to stick to that decision because of the following:

1. A DEEP SCAR. I was hurt and deeply wounded, though I had already forgiven him and the pain might be gone already soon but the scar or mark that he had caused will never be erased. It will be forever there until the day I die, like the quote "Love is like a broken glass; sometimes it's easier to leave it alone than to hurt yourself trying to fix it"

2. FEAR. The fear of what our future will look like after all this, if there is a future that is. I thought before that the song "Somewhere Down the Road" would might be applicable to us but the future seems too blurry now unlike before and I'm afraid to take that risk anymore. I just saw the film "Letters to Juliet" since there were two love stories involved there I don't know which one I would like be in. First, those old couple who met 50 years after believing that TRUE LOVE waits;or Second, the young couple which just took less than a week to have found that love? For now, I would dismiss that 50 years - True Love waits and would just concentrate what I have now.

3. NO MORE TRUST. One of the very important thing in a relationship aside from LOVE is TRUST, and it was completely shattered and broken into pieces. And it would really take I guess a lifetime to have it completely whole again or it might be whole but the cracks are still there. It will never be the same. He changed and I changed, everything about us changed.

4. GOD'S PLAN. I believe we're not just meant for each other and God had planned this for me so I'll be able to see the real HIM, he's no longer the boy I used to know. And there's someone out there for me, just waiting and it will come at the right time. 

The Two of Them Together

I never really anticipated it to happen, maybe before but now I thought that it would be best not to. It really makes me wonder how and why things happen when you least expect them or when you're not expecting it at all. I guess life is really a mystery, you can really never tell and predict what will happen.

August 25, 2011 at Ayala Mall. I had a dinner date with my college friends at the mall, so we met up at Ayala particularly near Blue Magic. At first one of my friend teased me that someone looked like my EX, I told her not to joke around because I would really go gaga if that will happen. While waiting for the others, we just stood beside the elevator, we even met and talked with one of our highschool classmate but then something caught my attention, I don't know if it was the t-shirt or the way he moves and all but I knew it was HIM then I saw the girl with a bouquet of flowers. I abruptly turned away, my friends told me I turned white and my hands were so cold, I really didn't know what to do at first. My friend told me to hide, but then I realized, why should I hide? I turned and looked at their direction, I just stood there looking at the girl from head to foot. Though I really didn't get a good glimpse of her since I was facing her back most of the time but not to be mean and bias at all, but I can't help but think "Really? You replaced me with her?" I don't feel insecure, I mean Oh common the girl is just simple and I know that his type but looked too mature. I guess the only advantage she has on me is her height (LOL) and that's about it.

I don't know when my EX noticed that we where there, my friend had a really loud voice greeting one of our friend that just arrived. I was concentrating more on the girl, I saw my EX hid beside the post and the girl approached him. I believe he didn't want to pass by our direction but the girl I guess insisted which in a way pissed me off. She didn't looked at me, but I know she knew I was there. I just followed her with my gaze, my EX trying to catch up. My friends were already getting paranoid and all, telling me we should follow them. He didn't even greeted my friends, I knew he was confused at that instance they had eye-to-eye contact with one of my friend, none of them also had guts to call him. My friend was afraid that I would make a scandal right there, which I thought of before but what for? That would just make me desperate. I guess my EX had that thought, he's afraid of what I might do. He should be but  I wouldn't make a fool out of myself, not anymore.

As for the flowers, I don't know. Maybe it was there monthsary, I did't receive any bouquet from him from the start of our relationship, even though I have forced him already (LOL). Maybe he changed, well, I really don't care. It hurt a bit but not that much as I would've expected it to be, maybe if we haven't got a chance to talk weeks before, it would have hurt so bad. I have no grudges with my EX, we'll be okay SOON. But the girl is another story, I told myself to just ignore her but I don't know why those who broke up because of a third party holds grudges not to their EX but to the third party? I guess I'm just normal since I  feel that way when I saw here. She knew from the start that we haven't broken up yet, I know that it was more on my EX side since he didn't stop himself from falling, but if she's a girl worthy of respect, she should know where to place herself. She should be familiar with the phrase "Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.." or better yet "What goes around, comes around..." but I guess she just can't stop herself. She just showed to the whole world what kind of girl she is, and I just wish her luck. Just let her try to intimidate me and I swear no matter how tall she is I'll bring her down.