Exactly 6 Years Ago

It was exactly 6 years ago that we first met at one of the grandest celebration being held in Cebu, the Sinulog Festival and coincidentally it is the same date today, January 15. I know I shouldn't dwell much on this because "Past is Past" which I had been forcing myself to think and believe for 9 months already. But can you blame me? This was one of the events that really reminds me of him, of us, of what we used to have. The first time I was able to really join and celebrate Sinulog in which I went out of the house even if my lolo didn't allow me to, was when we first met. And for 5 years, oh actually 4 since last year he didn't want me to tag along with him which started our ending, he was my companion on walking the streets, holding my umbrella, guiding the road. So can you blame me if this particular day, this event and festivity would always remind me of him? Both happy and sad memories combined.

I joined another group for this year so I can make new memories, I wanted to have fun and enjoy this day as if it was my first time to join Sinulog and erase all the past memories of this. But I know I can't and it just can't be, though I was hoping I would find someone who would help me make those memories; unfortunately I wasn't able to find one, I guess I wasn't looking at all. I was looking but I was afraid I might spot him along the crowd with her. He is just so UNFAIR!!! And I'm just so damn STUPID, why am I still feeling this way?

I'm tired of this feeling, why can't I just stop thinking about him? I don't even now if he can associate this event with me? His cousin told me that he had written our sort of love story in his compiled songs and so? It really doesn't matter, why should I care? I hate him, I hate myself even more for acting such a fool. Luckily, I only act as a fool in this blog, I hardly tell anyone about my true feelings especially that it has been  9 months. Can you believe it, 9 months and I'm still recovering, DAMN! There's really something wrong with me and I know the only cure for this pain is the one that had inflicted it in the first place - Love.

Maybe it was because my companions for today were couples or was it that nobody was carrying my umbrella anymore? No, actually it was more on that I had no company to go to Sto. Nino Church, I had no one to constantly check, text and yell where to find each other, I walked along the road and through the crowds alone, and I went home all ALONE. I hate the feeling that I need someone by my side, is it my fault that I was accustomed to it for 5 years? Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I'll just deny everything I said here.