Have You Really Moved On?

A lot of people had been asking me this question for the nth time, "Have you Moved On?". And honestly, I don't know how to answer that question and at times my answer varies depending who had asked me. What does "moving on" really mean? Does it mean that my feelings for my ex are gone as if I hit my head and all those had memories just vanished? Or does it mean that I am moving forward and letting go of the past, but bringing along those memories that had made me who I am today? 

They say that it would take 3 months to move on for a relationship that lasted for a year, 6 months for a 2-year relationship and so on. I have no idea where this stupid moving on calculation came but as I tried to do the math on this since our relationship was for 5 years so it would take 1 year and a half to move on - which instantly I shrugged off since that's too long. But now that 10 months had passed, I realized that the calculation above was all wrong, there's no equation on how long or short the moving on process is, it's all up to you. I have heard some stories that just a month after a break up they entered into a new relationship which most say is the "Panakip Butas" (covering up just to forget the old one) relationship. Then there's the story wherein indeed it would take years before moving on and that person is likely to be overcautious on love or doesn't want to enter in a relationship because she's afraid of getting hurt again. Another is that even though one had entered into a new relationship but still hasn't moved on from the past which is really not my kind of story.

People had told me that I handled the break up very well and asked me how I did it. Since this was my first heartbreak to someone who I have loved so much, it really wasn't easy at all but I tried my best to uplift myself, that's why I started this blog and instead of blabbering all my feelings to my friends, I just wrote it here as my personal journal. I took a quiz "Are you over your ex?" and the result was that I was just PRETENDING and is pretty good at it - like whaaaat? We'll it's quite true I guess, it's those memories and the lost friendship that is holding me back us of now. With regards to communicating and dealing with my ex - I've accepted it and try to be happy for him, I'm not closing my door for the friendship but as of now, we decided to distance ourselves from each other.


I had searched through the net and found out "20 Ways to Tell You're Over It"


1. You have stopped competing with your ex. 

- I'm not sure sure what competing here means? If it's about you have yours, I'll have mine someday then I really don't care. 

2. Hearing what your ex is up to doesn’t make you cry or feel worthless or angry.

- I never was a stalker and never will. And I told my friends that I don't want any updates on him, I just don't want to hear anything about him especially when he tries to contact my friends asking about me.

3. Memories don’t hurt you or make you cry.

- I'm having a difficult time with this matter as of now.

4. You’re no longer trying to prove that you’re over it – to your ex or to anyone else.

- That's why I'm writing this blog to access myself coz I don't know where I am now. I know I should careless of what people or my ex says.

5. You’ve stopped reading their horoscope (assuming the ex is of a different sign).

- I really don't read his horoscope.

6. You don’t go to places just hoping to bump into your ex.

- I don't go to those places because I don't like to bump into him.

7. You stop trying to hack into their email or constantly checking their online diary (blog) or dating site profile. 

- I lost track of his emails and passwords since before we broke up.

8. Hearing a special song makes you feel nostalgic and not tearful.

- Still makes me remember him.

9. You no longer care what your ex thinks of you.

- I don't want to care, but why do I care? Hahaha

10. You stop wondering if your ex misses you.

- I convinced and forced myself that he doesn't miss me at all, even though he sometimes contact my friends on ho am I doing. 

11. You stop making excuses to get in touch.

- We had a mutual agreement to stop communicating, even if we hadn't I wouldn't also coz I'm dead tired of making the first move.

 12. You no longer drive by their home or work (or any other place you think they might be.)

Our home is to far away and I don't even know if he has a job or not. Last update I asked about him was if he had graduated and that was all.

13. You have actually arrived at the conclusion the break-up was “for the best”.

- Yes, I have prayed and God had told me that everything that had happened is for the best and that the best is yet to come.

14. When something really good or bad happens, you, inadvertently phone someone else to share it with.

- Never thought about this but yes, sometimes. But with my friends now, supposedly it should have been him but I am getting used to it again - not telling anyone about what I'm feeling not even my friends.

15. You’ve stopped counting the days and weeks since the break-up.

- I count the months when I write my blog.

16. By taking your power back, you have started to go back to places you enjoyed going to, but have been avoiding, because they reminded you of your ex.

- The places I want to go, where the places we hadn't been yet; well, I guess except the malls which I had already conquered that fear.

17. When you are on a date with someone new, you don’t keep telling stories about your ex; nor do you compare the new person with your ex.

- I promise myself not to talk about my ex, IF I have someone new.

18. When you dream about your ex, it doesn’t leave you depressed for the entire day.

- Not the entire day, maybe just half of it. Haha

19. You’ve stopped buying the foods your ex liked out of habit, and have started to buy the foods you like.

- I don't even know his favorite food but I do know he doesn't like vegetables neither do I. Haha

20. You no longer hold hope you ex will come back nor would you consider re-uniting if he or she did.

- I have again forced and convinced myself that there's no more "One More Chance" not just because my friends would kill me but because it's really difficult if the "TRUST" is broken, it would never be the same. We can be friends but no longer lovers and I stopped hallucinating that we'll meet "somewhere down the road" one day and ignored all the signs that he showed me that he'll be back soon.

11 out of 20 of this I have gotten over my ex, though not 100% I guess that's not really bad, right? I had given myself time to heal this broken heart of mine, I know I don't need to rush things and I shouldn't care of what people say. The only people who can only understand are those that had experienced this kind of feelings, you can never explain as to why you're doing this and that, I guess that's what you called LOVE. And I just don't believe that "Moving On" is when you forget everything about your ex because that person will always be part of who you are. I know would take time to heal but you need to take action on it not just waiting for that uncertain time, there's no accurate equation as when or accurate truth that you can fully moved on when you find someone you; it's all in your hands.