Let Go or Hold On

It's been two weeks since our break up and I believe I'm on the recovery stage already. My emotion has been unstable but I am able to control it lately. Well, it's not really hard to move on, but something is always pulling me back. I tried asking advice from my friends and they have different opinions which made me think about it over and over again. For the girls, there's nothing to hold on to, I shouldn't clarify anything, let the guy make the move if he really wants to. For the guys and feeling guys, I should clarify it because there was no proper closure, I won't be able to move on completely.

I talked with my ex's brother and sister, I'm not even sure if I did the right thing but I think they are the one who can understand better since they know their brother - who is really different. To my surprise, he didn't told them at all - I presumed his older brother knew, maybe he didn't want them to know so that they won't ask any questions. His avoiding AGAIN, that's his talent. For them it was not clear, everything was "assumed" so it's either I confront him for proper closure or I just leave it as it is. Option 1 is what I want but it's really hard to do, I'm going to be the one to confront him again since I'm always the one who reaches out to him anyway. And being a woman, it would be like I'm the one hunting, it's a No No or just pride? 

I'm trying to come up of list as to why I should Hold On or just Let Go.

Holding On...

1. We misinterpreted what happened during our last encounter which was the break-up, we just assumed everything. It really was not my intention to break up with him, maybe it came out wrong and he was not in the mood or he was hungry so that was that. 

2.  Am I really in love with him? Love at first is based on feelings and what seems "right" at the moment. But love takes time, it's a process that both of you should work on even when that positive feeling is gone.

3. It's only been 3 months, 3 months??? I don't commit to short-term relationships, I think it can still work that if he is still willing to compromise.

4. I thought that "This is it!" the relationship I was waiting for after 5 years of waiting and building myself then it ends here? Oh no, I won't allow it or maybe this is just pride?

5. His afraid to reach out to me, he doesn't know what to do. So I should be the one to reach out.

6. Dejavu feels - I didn't fight for my previous relationship now I'm willing to fight for it, but is it really worth fighting for?

7. The rescuer in me, I was able to enter his bubble already and I could have helped him change. If only I was a bit more understanding.

8. We make a good team together - creative, design, travel and etc. 

Letting Go...

1. He is going through a process of finding and understanding himself and there's really nothing I can do about it right now. 

2. He is not that willing anymore and you are not going to settle for just "5" because there's no sense to it.

3. His priority right now is not me ;( He is not ready!

4. It's just not working! We have time and communication issue, I can't stand being a checklist in his schedule and we just misinterpret everything we say to each other.

5. It's draining and not healthy for both of us. It feels like I'm the only one who is trying to make this relationship work unless I want to be a martyr girlfriend.

6. I need to focus more on myself and my family.

7. I can't change him, I have to avoid being the "rescuer"

8. His mood swings drives me carzy!

9. We have different expectations - he wants it the way we were as friends and I want it to be a real relationship - more time!

Right now, I know the best option is just to let go. It's not really that hard to move on since attachment isn't really there yet but I can't stop thinking as well what if it will work out? Give it a try again? Or why is it that my exes won't fight? Am I not worthy enough?

But I know for now, it's better off that we'll just be friends again. If his fixing himself then I have to give him that space. I'm trying to keep our friendship and I don't know how it will work, maybe at first it would be a bit awkward but it can be done with God's grace. 

Follow your Heart or Mind?

Every break-up has a different story - it might be a long-term or short-term relationship, issues with third party or simple misunderstandings, through calm talks or raging fights. Whatever the cause is, the effect is quite similar - I hate going through this post break up thing but really I don't have a choice so let's just get on and be done with it fast. 

While going through the process, your mind would try to think and replay everything that happened and what could have happened. Then conflicts within will begin to arise - just when you think his a heartless jerk, a voice within would say that he's just confused. When you think about all the reasons to give up, the voice would say don't let go. When you think he doesn't love you, the voice would say he just don't know how to express it clearly to you. And it goes on for days until you decide which to follow. Like they say, the heart is the last organ to stop when one dies, I guess that applies to break-ups as well. Because the heart is the one who wants you to keep fighting despite of everything, I'm not even sure if what it says is true. They say, listen to your heart because it knows your true feelings but should I really follow it?

I am at this stage right now, my mind is telling me all the logical reasons why I should just let it go.

1. I am not happy, the connection is lost

2. It's not working and I don't know how to make it work anymore, It's draining!

3. He's not totally ready to commit and give his all

4. He's uncaring and unloving because he doesn't have a clue on this relationship, big EXCUSE

5. He's no longer willing to make the relationship work - he gave me a "5"

But my heart would only say "Don't Give Up!" it's not thinking obviously since it is based on what I really feel inside. Is this really what the heart is saying coz I want to remind the heart that it took 5 years to open up again but it ended in less than three months. I am not going to allow it to get hurt again - but then it whispers I am stronger now. Oh common, I'm talking to myself aren't I? That's the effect of break up so if you are like me, it's normal. But it would help if you can talk to someone not just yourself.

I try to think again that maybe I just love the idea of being in a relationship and not really the person that is in the realtionship. That's why when the relationship was not the one I expected it to be, I got disappointed. Now I just realized that you should focus on the person not the relationship itself, because if you love the person no matter where the relationship goes, it will keep on sailing. 

Another thing I learned about this relationship is ask for help before making a big decision like breaking up, even if the relationship is between the two of you, sometimes you need to seek advise from couple who has been through ups and downs. Those people that both of you can trust and is willing to help out. 

I just realized all of these while I'm writing right now, I know it's not connected to my topic but I'm writing it anyway. 

All I can say is that take your time, don't rush things. Listen to your heart and mind, weigh things and listen to what others say.