Let Go or Hold On

It's been two weeks since our break up and I believe I'm on the recovery stage already. My emotion has been unstable but I am able to control it lately. Well, it's not really hard to move on, but something is always pulling me back. I tried asking advice from my friends and they have different opinions which made me think about it over and over again. For the girls, there's nothing to hold on to, I shouldn't clarify anything, let the guy make the move if he really wants to. For the guys and feeling guys, I should clarify it because there was no proper closure, I won't be able to move on completely.

I talked with my ex's brother and sister, I'm not even sure if I did the right thing but I think they are the one who can understand better since they know their brother - who is really different. To my surprise, he didn't told them at all - I presumed his older brother knew, maybe he didn't want them to know so that they won't ask any questions. His avoiding AGAIN, that's his talent. For them it was not clear, everything was "assumed" so it's either I confront him for proper closure or I just leave it as it is. Option 1 is what I want but it's really hard to do, I'm going to be the one to confront him again since I'm always the one who reaches out to him anyway. And being a woman, it would be like I'm the one hunting, it's a No No or just pride? 

I'm trying to come up of list as to why I should Hold On or just Let Go.

Holding On...

1. We misinterpreted what happened during our last encounter which was the break-up, we just assumed everything. It really was not my intention to break up with him, maybe it came out wrong and he was not in the mood or he was hungry so that was that. 

2.  Am I really in love with him? Love at first is based on feelings and what seems "right" at the moment. But love takes time, it's a process that both of you should work on even when that positive feeling is gone.

3. It's only been 3 months, 3 months??? I don't commit to short-term relationships, I think it can still work that if he is still willing to compromise.

4. I thought that "This is it!" the relationship I was waiting for after 5 years of waiting and building myself then it ends here? Oh no, I won't allow it or maybe this is just pride?

5. His afraid to reach out to me, he doesn't know what to do. So I should be the one to reach out.

6. Dejavu feels - I didn't fight for my previous relationship now I'm willing to fight for it, but is it really worth fighting for?

7. The rescuer in me, I was able to enter his bubble already and I could have helped him change. If only I was a bit more understanding.

8. We make a good team together - creative, design, travel and etc. 

Letting Go...

1. He is going through a process of finding and understanding himself and there's really nothing I can do about it right now. 

2. He is not that willing anymore and you are not going to settle for just "5" because there's no sense to it.

3. His priority right now is not me ;( He is not ready!

4. It's just not working! We have time and communication issue, I can't stand being a checklist in his schedule and we just misinterpret everything we say to each other.

5. It's draining and not healthy for both of us. It feels like I'm the only one who is trying to make this relationship work unless I want to be a martyr girlfriend.

6. I need to focus more on myself and my family.

7. I can't change him, I have to avoid being the "rescuer"

8. His mood swings drives me carzy!

9. We have different expectations - he wants it the way we were as friends and I want it to be a real relationship - more time!

Right now, I know the best option is just to let go. It's not really that hard to move on since attachment isn't really there yet but I can't stop thinking as well what if it will work out? Give it a try again? Or why is it that my exes won't fight? Am I not worthy enough?

But I know for now, it's better off that we'll just be friends again. If his fixing himself then I have to give him that space. I'm trying to keep our friendship and I don't know how it will work, maybe at first it would be a bit awkward but it can be done with God's grace.