It's been quite awhile since my last post and I really wasn't planning to write in this blog anymore though I check it sometimes together with my other blog. Anyway, there's really no update between me and my old friend but just lately because of a common friend, this topic surfaced again.
The word LOVE is a common term being used today but it's unusually difficult to define. It's a feeling, yes, it's a variety of different feeling but how would you know if that feeling is already what they so called love? Well, I guess you'll only know it when you experience it first hand and even so it's difficult to explain.
True that I had been hurt, wounded and stabbed before, nothing can really describe how I feel during those moments and I really don't want to experience it again like the roller coaster ride that literally took my breath away. BUT then I realized that the pain I felt was equal to the love I felt; if you love much and was loved much then expect the pain to be a big bang; likewise if you love a little and was loved a little then the pain would just be a scratch. I'm not saying that she/he was in more pain because he/she loved more or the years of their relationship is much longer; it really doesn't matter - it's the same pain, the same heartache.
It's been over a year already since it happened, and I would've labeled it as one of the 'tragic' moments of my life but then I came to realized (slowly) that it wasn't really that bad, Oh! the pain was excruciating, I could compare it when I lost my grandpa. But the end result was quite surprising, I mean, OMG, I survived! I had slowly buried my past but when I'm at my happiest and gloomiest day, he pops out of my mind - he as my bestfriend and not the lover.
I have a regular communication with a mutual friend of ours and our conversation would almost always include my past which I hate and love at the same time. He knows so much about what had happened between us which is quite exciting and frustrating though I really don't mind talking about it. But he had said something that had really stirred my mind, it was like literally mind-blowing. He said "You didn't fought for ALL the right things he had done, you left him for the ONE unfaithful thing he did" upon reading this phrase repeatedly, tears uncontrollably sprung in my eyes. He was absolutely wrong, I didn't left him, he pushed me away; he was the one who needed space and couldn't decide, what does he expect me to do? Wait and wait and wait? He didn't know my side of the story, he was wrong absolutely wrong BUT he had a point - a very good point. When the boat started to sink, I lost my grip and though I held on to it for awhile; I didn't thought I had enough strength to pull us back so I let go.
I let go because that was what I thought was best for both of us; I let go not because I hated him though partly but more on because I loved him - to the extent that in spite of how much he had hurt me, I forgave him without any hesitation and grudge; I tried hard to kept mum on our issue esp. to my family for his sake; and I never closed my door for our friendship. I fought, the way that I know I could; I didn't go beyond because I know it would only complicate more and might be bloody too (lol).
Anyway, I kept on thinking about this over and over for the past few days, I know shouldn't dwell on this much but damn it made me dig and open my past back. I didn't regret what I did, I just had some what-if thoughts on my mind and I keep on telling myself that everything happened for a reason. There's no way to turn back time, some people had asked me if I could turn back time, what is that one thing that I could change? I answered "I shouldn't have given my 101% TRUST", again this is about trust and not love. I guess it was okay that I poured my love since I received it also but maybe just maybe when I didn't trust him well then I could have been more observant and cautious of the changes around us - but then again PAST IS PAST. So now I'm moving on and I deserve a pat in the back for doing what was right, I may have made a mistake or overlooked the situation but I know that was the right thing to do and it was all because of LOVE - for myself, my family, and even my love for him.
It's been over a year already since it happened, and I would've labeled it as one of the 'tragic' moments of my life but then I came to realized (slowly) that it wasn't really that bad, Oh! the pain was excruciating, I could compare it when I lost my grandpa. But the end result was quite surprising, I mean, OMG, I survived! I had slowly buried my past but when I'm at my happiest and gloomiest day, he pops out of my mind - he as my bestfriend and not the lover.
I have a regular communication with a mutual friend of ours and our conversation would almost always include my past which I hate and love at the same time. He knows so much about what had happened between us which is quite exciting and frustrating though I really don't mind talking about it. But he had said something that had really stirred my mind, it was like literally mind-blowing. He said "You didn't fought for ALL the right things he had done, you left him for the ONE unfaithful thing he did" upon reading this phrase repeatedly, tears uncontrollably sprung in my eyes. He was absolutely wrong, I didn't left him, he pushed me away; he was the one who needed space and couldn't decide, what does he expect me to do? Wait and wait and wait? He didn't know my side of the story, he was wrong absolutely wrong BUT he had a point - a very good point. When the boat started to sink, I lost my grip and though I held on to it for awhile; I didn't thought I had enough strength to pull us back so I let go.
I let go because that was what I thought was best for both of us; I let go not because I hated him though partly but more on because I loved him - to the extent that in spite of how much he had hurt me, I forgave him without any hesitation and grudge; I tried hard to kept mum on our issue esp. to my family for his sake; and I never closed my door for our friendship. I fought, the way that I know I could; I didn't go beyond because I know it would only complicate more and might be bloody too (lol).
Anyway, I kept on thinking about this over and over for the past few days, I know shouldn't dwell on this much but damn it made me dig and open my past back. I didn't regret what I did, I just had some what-if thoughts on my mind and I keep on telling myself that everything happened for a reason. There's no way to turn back time, some people had asked me if I could turn back time, what is that one thing that I could change? I answered "I shouldn't have given my 101% TRUST", again this is about trust and not love. I guess it was okay that I poured my love since I received it also but maybe just maybe when I didn't trust him well then I could have been more observant and cautious of the changes around us - but then again PAST IS PAST. So now I'm moving on and I deserve a pat in the back for doing what was right, I may have made a mistake or overlooked the situation but I know that was the right thing to do and it was all because of LOVE - for myself, my family, and even my love for him.
My ex and i were together for 2 years. We finally ended things because he said our relationship wasn’t progressing and he didn’t think i was the once. Ouch. So a year later it has been on and off again torture. I do no contact, he pops back up, same thing different day. So finally he gets mad at me because i’m a writer and he stumbled upon some blogs i had written about us (i NEVER used his name and the only people who would ever know are people who already knew) but he was pissed. He said that he kept trying to end things but that I wouldn’t leave him alone! But I still loved that fool. I had to get him back. I’m very spispell person so I start looking for that kind of help. My best friend adviced me this website http://magical-rituals.com and I order love spell. Waited, and waited….and suddenly he call me. He apologized about everything and ask me if I still loved him. Certainly I tell him that I still have feelings for him. We end up together. Today we are very good couple.
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