Now I could really say that LOVE indeed is a mystery, I mean I never thought I could feel so much pain, never ever in my entire life especially from the person who I really loved and who I thought would never do this to me. It hurts and until now the pain is still here, though I tried to ignore it but I guess it doesn't disappear in one zap. I tried everything to save our relationship, I swallowed my pride and I was almost on my knees already trying to get him back but it didn't turned out the way I wanted it to be. So I gave up and hid myself for almost a month trying to find myself and learning to stand up and fight this life's battle. I promised myself that I won't let myself down, that I won't be a loser, I'll be a winner and I'll let him see that this break up is one of the best thing that ever happened in my life.
Little by little and ever so slowly, I tried to accept that this is the end of our relationship, but friendship is still open for negotiation. I was about to but then unexpectedly but I was hoping though that he would contact me and he did. I was confused with all the feelings of joy, anxiety, anger and pain mixed together. I was happy because hey he finally got guts to contact me; anxiety because I don't know what he is thinking and planning to do; anger because he's confusing me, I don't know what his point is; and pain because it never disappeared I was only trying to conceal it but it was there, ready to divulge me again.
At first I didn't know what to do, should I ignore him completely as revenge or should I confront him since he said that he was ready to speak out and maybe end whatever has to end between us. Again swallowing my pride for the nth time, I followed my heart wanting to end and clear everything so to have a proper closure and all but then it didn't go exactly as I thought it would be. He chickened out again for the nth time telling me he is afraid, ashamed and guilty that he might cry during our confrontation. So I tried to understand and didn't force him at all unlike before, so our conversation was on and off a bit awkward and all.
Once in awhile I'll text him or he'll chat me just another short and awkward conversation again, I think he was about to open up and all, I mean that is what I want him to do also. But then as days passed and our communication was about to get better, I learned so many negatives things about him as mentioned in previous blog. I was again confused, though I tried to be strong but my heart just opens up easily and I'm afraid that he would break it again. I really didn't know what to do, I was happy, sadly I admit I was hoping and I know I shouldn't but I cannot control my feelings anymore. I know this has to STOP right now I don't understand where this is going anymore, what other proof do I need to prove to myself and to others that I should still hold on to this? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
So I decided to end it, once and for all. I don't want to tell it to him directly because I was in a bad mood, I might say something that I would regret; so I just posted a status in my yahoo messenger "Please leave me alone, thanks in advance" and surprisingly he replied "Sorry, Okay, I will go away, sorry". Honestly I don't want him to go away, I want him back again but I know it wouldn't be easy anymore so I have to let go. So now, here I am, trying to be strong again and trying to stop myself from missing him so much; it's not easy but I have to be firm with my decision now. I know someday, we'll meet again and by that time I hope we're both ready to face each other as friends.
At first I didn't know what to do, should I ignore him completely as revenge or should I confront him since he said that he was ready to speak out and maybe end whatever has to end between us. Again swallowing my pride for the nth time, I followed my heart wanting to end and clear everything so to have a proper closure and all but then it didn't go exactly as I thought it would be. He chickened out again for the nth time telling me he is afraid, ashamed and guilty that he might cry during our confrontation. So I tried to understand and didn't force him at all unlike before, so our conversation was on and off a bit awkward and all.
Once in awhile I'll text him or he'll chat me just another short and awkward conversation again, I think he was about to open up and all, I mean that is what I want him to do also. But then as days passed and our communication was about to get better, I learned so many negatives things about him as mentioned in previous blog. I was again confused, though I tried to be strong but my heart just opens up easily and I'm afraid that he would break it again. I really didn't know what to do, I was happy, sadly I admit I was hoping and I know I shouldn't but I cannot control my feelings anymore. I know this has to STOP right now I don't understand where this is going anymore, what other proof do I need to prove to myself and to others that I should still hold on to this? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
So I decided to end it, once and for all. I don't want to tell it to him directly because I was in a bad mood, I might say something that I would regret; so I just posted a status in my yahoo messenger "Please leave me alone, thanks in advance" and surprisingly he replied "Sorry, Okay, I will go away, sorry". Honestly I don't want him to go away, I want him back again but I know it wouldn't be easy anymore so I have to let go. So now, here I am, trying to be strong again and trying to stop myself from missing him so much; it's not easy but I have to be firm with my decision now. I know someday, we'll meet again and by that time I hope we're both ready to face each other as friends.
My break up was confusing the guy gave me mixed signals as to why he wanted to break up. We got into a small argument with me getting mad at him that exploded 3 days later he wanted a break for a week. During that week things escalated between friends and family we started talking things out again over text. It seemed as if he was open to fixing things between us and was asking to talk in person. We were still arguing during the first week of the break about what the other was doing and who they were around. Then about 3 months ago another break up or break came out of nowhere we seemed to be getting things back in track until no matter what I said or tried to do would not keep him. I need to get him back. I order love spells on http://magical-rituals.com and this spell caster really help me. My lover back to me.
ReplyDelete