What am I doing? This really has to stop and has to end right now before it gets even worse. Okay so the latest news is I know who the girl is now; somebody had told me that he posted on the girl's wall and since I have accepted his invite we're friends again in Facebook and I could see his wall post - Tadaaaa! She wasn't the one I was expecting, I mean from the description of his father it was really way exaggerated and I was even a little bit nervous if the description of a sexy star was indeed correct. But alas it was not, I mean not that the girl wasn't pretty and all, she's okay but really she isn't a bitch I could really say. As far as I could remember, I think we were introduced years before, I really couldn't pinpoint when but the name is familiar, he had mentioned that name before. Okay, I know stalking is a BIG NO, but I couldn't help it. But honestly, I didn't feel something about the girl, no hard feelings and all, but I just couldn't help but tease her a bit so I added her up as a friend just to let her know that I know who she is.
What bothered me the most was knowing that something fishy was happening to him and his close friend. My friend told me that somebody saw them kissing in a beer house, I was like what? And to think I confided that bitch I mean girl all this time about my feelings for his so called bro. I just can't believe it, I mean I can believe but WTF? I know the girl is in a relationship now but I know it really is possible, anything is possible with liquor. And it even gave me more reasons why I should hate him even if I tried to control it. I know I'm stupid because I communicated him, I made him feel that no harm was done and everything is okay which is not, I just want to clear things out once and for all but I know a part of me is still hoping which I should control but so hard to do.
When will I ever stop this insanity? Really I thought I was okay but then here I am again, when will this agony end? Actually it just started, I told myself after those revelations that I will no longer be a fool, guess what I just fooled myself today. I don't understand myself anymore, I don't want him to feel I'm angry so what is really my intention? So he'll open up? I know something is up in my subconscious and I'm really really scared to admit that I want him back since a big part of me is saying NO because of so many things that I just discovered and I know there are more that would just hurt me again and again. Do I really love the pain? Haha!
We had a short chat today, he told me that he was scared of looking at my post and my friend's post, he assumed that we were talking about him. Honestly, I never had a post directly targeting him, only quotes and that was why I deactivated my account to avoid a not so good scene in Facebook. I just don't want to have any grudge on him, that is all that I'm trying to control though sometimes I mean all the time he is a pain in the butt. Again he doesn't seem to have the guts to confront me, maybe soon I don't know how soon is soon, he really does want me to suffer. I asked him why in the first place did he messaged me and surprisingly he said that he missed me, I don't know if I should be glad or be anxious of his answer. All I want now is for us to get things straight if he doesn't want it now, fine; I'll be waiting in vain hopefully for the last time. I have to get myself together again, please help me Lord.
My break up was confusing the guy gave me mixed signals as to why he wanted to break up. We got into a small argument with me getting mad at him that exploded 3 days later he wanted a break for a week. During that week things escalated between friends and family we started talking things out again over text. It seemed as if he was open to fixing things between us and was asking to talk in person. We were still arguing during the first week of the break about what the other was doing and who they were around. Then about 3 months ago another break up or break came out of nowhere we seemed to be getting things back in track until no matter what I said or tried to do would not keep him. I need to get him back. I order love spells on http://magical-rituals.com and this spell caster really help me. My lover back to me.
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