Trying To Survive The Storm

Almost two and a half months have already passed since our break-up, if you ask me if I'm okay now, honestly I don't know. I want to be okay, I'm trying to be okay, I'm doing my best to be okay. I have isolated myself from the society for almost a month now, some of my friends are already wondering what happened to me or where I am, it's obvious that this is because of our break-up and I know they are thinking that I'm so down and depressed which is true but I'm caving in because I want to find myself. 

Searching for articles about dealing with heartaches seemed to help, but really not much because sometimes, okay maybe almost all the time, I still cannot control my feelings, my emotions and most especially my mind. Still everyday, I think about him, it doesn't hurt that much anymore, depending on what I'm thinking also but still there are times that I do cry. I have tried my best not to mention his name in any conversation but I don't know why it always pops out in my mouth, not to mention in my mind. But writing in this blog does help, though I do think about him because this is because of him why I started blogging, I don't know if it is healthy but this is keeping me busy so instead of my usual routine every night which is Facebook-ing, I do blogging now. 

I'm also reading books and trying to search about articles on happiness, positive thinking and psychology. And yes indeed, I learned from them, but the problem is how to apply it in my life, I guess it really takes time to heal this pain. No matter what I do, the pain is there, I don't know if it will ever go away, but one thing I'm certain of is that I want to be happy. I think about my future sometimes, being with someone new, imagining how he looks like, his characteristics and all but then there are certain points I dwell back in the past or bring my past into my future, like thinking if will he return as he said? Will we be friends? Etc. 

I'm about to return to my world again, I'm getting out of my cave but honestly I'm scared and I think I'm not ready yet. I don't know but I have to face this the sooner the better. I really have to prepare my armor, but I don't think I have enough armor for this battle. I'm sure they are all going to ask how am I doing, and of course I will say that I'm better than okay, who am I trying to convince here them or myself? I'm totally confused, I'm okay if I don't have any news about him - which recently I had since my friend saw him with a girl but we are not sure if that was really the girl. I'm telling myself that's okay, but I know deep within me I just said "Ouch!". So this is one example that I should really be prepared, if possible I will tell all of them not to mention to me any topics about him. Am I really that weak? Oh Lord, help me.

Time is ticking and I need to be ready. I have only 2 days to go before my come back, would that be enough? I just hope and pray. I really want to show to all of them that "Hey! I'm back. I'm me again!" or "I may have stumbled before, but now no more" I'm still thinking what I should post during my come back and how to deal with my friends and even his friends. I can do this. Think positive. In God , I trust!   

Someday - Nina

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you'll see this through my eyes
By then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I can't

I know
You don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on Earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Chorus

Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Right now
I know you can tell
I'm down, and I'm not doing well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus

Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday,
I know someone's gonne be there

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Till My Heartaches End - Carol Banawa

I recall when you said that you would never leave me
You told me more, so much more like when the time you whispered in my ear
There was heaven in my heart
I remember when you said that you'd be here forever

Then you left without even saying that you're leaving
I was hurt and it really won't be easy to forget yesterday
And I pray that you would stay
But then you're gone and, oh, so far away

I was afraid this time would come
I wasn't prepared to face this kind of hurtin' from within
I have learned to live my life beside you

Maybe I'll just dream of you tonight
And if into my dream you'll come and touch me once again
I'll just keep on dreaming till my heartaches end


And then you left without even saying that you're leaving
I was hurt and it really won't be easy to forget yesterday
And I pray that you would stay
But then you're gone and, oh, so far away

[Repeat CHORUS]

Woh oh yeah

[Repeat CHORUS]


CODA
Keep on dreaming till my heartaches end...

Love Will Lead You Back - Kyla

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing
But you never said, that you'd stay forever
So if you must go
Well, darlin', I'll set you free
But I know in time
That we'll be together
Oh, I won't try
To stop you now from leaving
Cause in my heart I know

(chorus)
Love will lead you back
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
It won't be long
One of these days
Our love will lead you back

One of these nights
Well I'll hear your voice again
You're gonna say, oh how much you missed me
You'll walk out this door
But someday you'll walk back in
darling I know, I know this will be
Sometimes it takes, sometime out on your own now
To find your way back home

(repeat chorus)

ohhhhhh

I won't try to stop you now from leaving
Cause in my heart I know...oh yeah

(repeat chorus)

Broken Hearted Me - Anne Murray

Every now and then I cry,
Every night,
You keep staying on my mind.
All my friends say I'll survive,
It just takes time.

Chorus

But I don't think time is going to heal this broken heart
No I don't see how it can if its broken all apart.
A million miracles could never stop the pain
Or put all the pieces together again.
No I don't think time is going to heal this broken heart.
No I don't see how it can while we are still apart.
When you hear this song I hope that you will see
That time won't heal a broken hearted me

Every day is just the same,
Playing games,
Different lovers different names.
They keep saying I'll survive,
It just takes time,

Chorus

Old Friend - Kyla

A million times or more I thought about you
The years, the tears, the laughter, things we used to do
Are memories that warm me like a sunny day
You touched my life in such a special way

I miss the way you'd run your fingers through my hair
Those cozy nights we cuddled in your easy chair
Oh no, I won't let foolish pride turn you away
I'll take you back whatever price I pay

Old friend
It's so nice to feel you hold me again
No, it doesn't matter where you have been
My heart welcomes you back home again

Remember those romantic walks we used to take
You held my hand in such a way my knees would shake
You can't imagine just how much I've needed you
I've never loved someone as I love you

Old friend
It's so nice to feel you hold me again
No, it doesn't matter where you have been
My heart welcomes you back

Old friend
This is where our happy ending begins
Yes, I'm sure this time that we're gonna win
Welcome back into my life again

Yes, I've tried to live my life without you
Knowing I had lost my closest friend
And though I'm feeling low from time to time
Knowing I will never find the kind of love I had when you were mine

Old friend
It's so nice to feel you hold me again
No, it doesn't matter where you have been
My heart welcomes you back

Old friend
This is where our happy ending begins
Yes, I'm sure this time that we're gonna win
Welcome back into my life again

Welcome back into my life again
Welcome back into my life again

Come Back To Me - Princess Velasco

You say you got to go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I will wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you,
Come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you,
Come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here, waiting to see
You find you,
Come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bare
I can't fix you
I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you,
Come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you,
Come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here, waiting to see
You find you,
Come back to me

Ooooooh, ooooooh
You find you,
Come back to me
Ooooooh, ooooooh
When you find you,
Come back to me

When you find you,
Come back to me

Lesson 5 - Time doesn't heal all wounds

I bet one or even most of your friends have told you this phrase after the break-up that "Time heals all wounds" and that "Time will pass...". Indeed, time does pass but it does not heal. It is what you do with your life when time is passing that will heal you.It is like people are saying that "You just sit there and in time you will be okay already, no more pain, anger, hatred and fear; Time will wipe away all those feelings." Really? And do you believe that? I mean how long is this time? 3 months? 1 year? 3 years? That is just ridiculous.

 Though as time passed by, you do feel better but when something reminds you of your ex, you're back to square one again. Time can push trauma deep inside to hide the pain, but the root of the problem is still there, it isn't resolved; you're just covering it.

 The last tip I've got from Amelie is that the only way to heal is to walk straight through your pain and release it by taking action and not just by letting time pass by. So you need to get yourself together, don't waste time and don't rush time also; you may do does simple tips mentioned in my previous blog. Just remember time does not heal, but healing does take time.

Lesson 4 - Think about the Future

Losing someone could really be dreadful especially if you were not willing to give him up but had lost hope in trying since no matter how you tried to hold on to it, there's really nothing you can do if it is only you who is holding on. The sad part of losing that someone is that it is not only your relationship that is broken but also the friendship that you two have shared for months and even years. And you feel that you lost not only your lover but your bestfriend, your soulmate, and almost your everything; and you just can't imagine what the world could be without him anymore. Why is life so cruel? *Sigh.

Well, nobody said that life is easy, one must experience hardships and trials in life to be able to measure one's strengths and weaknesses. Life maybe hard, but everything lies in your hands, you are the only one who can control it. If you think that your life after the break-up will be dull, gloomy and meaningless then it will be, as they say 'What you think, You become".  

So instead of sulking and crying in bed all day, thinking what went wrong and asking all the endless WHYs; you must try to help yourself to stand up again, it really won't be easy but you just got to try each day. Just take small steps but don't rush things, take it one step at a time.

A tip from Amelie is to imagine yourself 20 to 30 years from now, imagine you are talking to your child or grandchild now, such a lovely child with a sweet smile in his/her face. You are telling him/her about your life story saying "I had a great life because ..... now you fill in the blank. This process a beginning of goal setting which she calls working backwards. Just continue imagining your life ahead, what you want to achieve, where you want to be. Do you see yourself in the future still lying in bed helpless and lifeless or do you see yourself enjoying life with your family and friends, having a good career and with someone with no face wrapping his arms around you?

I have lost my best friend, though I have other close friends but it's just not the same. He was someone I can turn to anytime even at midnight or wee hours in the morning, he was someone I can share my problems with openly and share almost just anything that pops out in my mind, he knows everything about me and vice versa. I really missed my old friend so much that there are nights that I wanted to contact him because I have no one to talk too about this and that; I just end up crying. I tried to fight for our relationship, when it didn't turned out the way I wanted it to be; I tried to fight again for our friendship this time. I don't know maybe it's just an alibi to get him back; it's like starting all over again as friends then more than friends. I really don't know my intentions at that moment, all I wanted was him. I wanted to be friends with him, we had an agreement before that no matter what happens will be BFF 'Best Friends Forever" which honestly is hard to accept now that we're in this situation. Okay so I had to get myself together again and bury the pass, slowly very slowly I'm trying to get over it but honestly until now I haven't. Sometimes I can say to myself that I'm okay now, but then the next thing I'm crying all over again. Stupid me. We'll at least I'm trying, it's better than just thinking about all the how's and why's that would make me cry. I tried imagining my future, I can see myself happy; happy with my family, friends, career and even with someone who has no face. Who that guy is, I really don't know. I just know that I want to be happy again, and someday I will be and that is what I will promise to myself.

As for Amelie's tip, I could say my life was great because ... I have YOU, I have met someone who loves me so dearly, I had traveled around the country and soon the world, I had a good career, and I have survived the struggles in life because I chose to be happy.  

Lesson 3 - Reminders be Gone

Even though how hard you try to forget your ex, it seems that nothing is working. Whatever you do and wherever you are he seems to be running in your mind, almost everything just reminds you of him. Well, okay maybe not all the time, but most of the time perhaps. You may be having fun with your friends but then just suddenly something reminds you of him, so instead of you wanting to have fun, you're stuck with the memories of him again. Why Oh Why? Well, Amelie explained that the smallest details will trigger a memory because they lie deep within your subconscious. So here comes tip no.3 - make small changes and socialize with people who didn't know you as a couple.

For girls, ever heard of "The break-up haircut theory"? I guess we all do. But really why do girls cut their hair after a breakup?

1. Freedom. You cut your hair to show to the whole world especially to your ex-boyfriend that you're FREE and that you're no longer "stuck" in the past. You are cutting off a part of you, a part of your past and wanting to start a new.

 2. Change. Sometimes it is purely because you want a change. You just need to look different to feel brand new and to have a fresh start to be able to boost your confidence when facing the world again.

3. Revenge. Some say that this is a technique to show to their ex-boyfriend what they are missing, that you look good and they just replaced you with a THAT kind of face? LOL. This is also a way to attract your new prospects.

Aside from the breakup haircut, you may also need to do some changes in your surroundings especially if it reminds you of your ex all the time. You may re-arrange your stuffs and put all the those things that will remind you of him in a box, I really don't like the idea of throwing and burning it away. Avoid also going to places that you used to go and things that you two used to do if possible.

Going out with friends is one way to ease the pain a bit, but it would be much better if those you hang out with during these times are those who doesn't know you as a couple. I'm not saying that you abandon your old friends, that would be just stupid but you have to try to mingle with others so that name of your ex wouldn't be mentioned in any topic.

In my case, I didn't go through that break-up haircut thingy, mine was a pre-break up. I cut my hair a week before our break-up, not that I was anticipating it already though I was a little but didn't really wanted it to happen. I just cut it so that if it would really happen, I don't like people to associate my haircut with my break-up and that's that. As for those reminders, those teddy bears he have given me I hid them in my cabinet but then my aunt found it and asked if she could placed it in her car as decoration which is totally fine with me.  I have only few reminders of him at home since as mentioned his not the romantic type so gifts are seldom. But I hate places though especially the mall which is near my office, memories just pop out everywhere, so I told myself not to go there anymore. And as for friends, I do think it would really be best to hang out with those who didn't know us as a couple because it pains me a lot that before he was with our group now someone is missing, and my friends are torturing me also though they are supportive in a way but mentioning his name would just tear me apart all over again. So now I am shutting my world as mentioned in other blogs, to avoid him, to avoid any contacts with him, and to avoid any topics about him. I just don't like to hear anymore that has to do with him,no more please. 

Flipping my Thoughts

I thought before that saying anything negative about anyone especially the person who had hurt you is an easy task, but now as I'm trying to do Step 2 in the Healing Process, I find it so hard to do. We'll I can think of a lot of negatives about my ex, but then as I thought more about it a positive counterpart just pops out of nowhere. Like for example, my ex was never a romantic type which really gets me disappointed sometimes but then I know he is always spending his last dime on me, sometimes he can't even save a little from his allowance. Am I the only one experiencing this one? Is my brain really flipped already? So anyway, I had to write down immediately the negatives that I can think of before the counterparts intrudes my thinking, so here are some of the following I won't post everything because some are too personal.

THE X-SIDE OF MY EX

1. JEALOUS GUY. He gets jealous on every guy I met and even those that I really don't know. If a guy whether I know him or not sits besides me, then good luck to me I owe him an explanation for that. This is the reason why I don't have so many boy --- friends, because they already know that there's a big wall surrounding me with a sign 'No Entry'. Seriously, he even gets jealous with his friends, not to mention mine.

2. OVER-PROTECTIVE. We'll most girls like the feeling of being protected always, but not to the extreme that you can't do what you like to do anymore. And that's what I hate about him also, I can't or shouldn't do this and that because I'm a girl and blaah blaah blaah, and other lame and stupid excuse.

3. NOT THE ROMANTIC TYPE. Ever since I was young, I love to read books especially about love, teenage romance and all that stuffs. So I had imagined my love story patterned in that way, the guy giving flowers and chocolates and lots of surprises. My ex did surprise me indeed, he surprised me with nothing - no flowers, no chocolates, no mushy love letters and all that stuffs that I read in the books. Damn him and the books.

4. A DRUNK. I understand guys by nature drinks (beer) and that you cannot force it out of their system, but no matter how hard I try to understand I just cannot because I just don't. And see ----> he kissed a girl because he was drunk and I didn't even know that until he confessed, how many girls did he kissed already, he got drunk many times. Grrrrrrrh!

5. CHEATER! LIAR! BASTARD! No explanation needed.

PERSONAL ADVANTAGES

1. NO CHAPERON NEEDED. Now I can go out with my friends anytime and anywhere. Before more often than not he always has to be wherever I go especially when it is a night activity or party. And if he isn't with me, my phone is always ringing, he is such a KJ 'Kill Joy'.

2. NO WORRIES. His just so unfair, when I go out he's there with me, but when he goes out he doesn't want me to come because of so many lame excuses that ruins my day. Even though I tell him that I don't care, but I do care, I get angry and sometimes get worried especially if he doesn't text if his at home already. So now I don't have to worry about anyone, or get pissed off because 'somebody' didn't call or text.

3. MY TIME. Ever since our relationship started everything was always about US and seldom was it about ME. So now I have time to myself, a time to do the things I have wanted but never got the chance because of US like blogging, exercising, etc.

4. MORE SAVINGS. Our agreement from the start is that we take turns on who's going to pay for this and that. I don't like that idea that the guys should be the one to pay every time, sharing is good. So now since I have no boyfriend, I can save that money that is to be used for US to be only for ME now.

5. MEET THE ONE. Maybe we are really not meant for each other, maybe this is just the road that will lead me to my ideal man; the romantic, adventurous and loving man of my dreams. 

Lesson 2 - Flip your Thoughts

Have you been thinking about your ex lately? He can't seem to be out of your mind, right? We'll there's really nothing to worry about that, every broken-hearted person do that so you're not alone. But the thing is you need to stop that if you really want to get your life back. And this is the second tip I got from Amelie, which is to Flip your thoughts.

Ever since our break up which was 2 months ago already, there wasn't a single day that he wasn't on my mind. Everyday I kept thinking about him, missing him and wondering how he was - is he suffering too or is he happy with someone else? Thinking about him which is inevitable just pains me more and I know that but how can you tell your brain to stop? Even when I'm asleep he's still there because he's constantly present in almost all my dreams. 

Many times I have told me brain to STOOOPPPPPPPPPP!!! Well, it does stop in just seconds but then will resume to what it was thinking. Stupid Brain. It really isn't easy to stop it because these thought have been hard wired already in my brain, sometimes I think I like the idea of having an amnesia just to forget everything. You can see how desperate I am already, but that really isn't a good idea just a good thinking. 

Anyways, as advised by Amelie I should flip the thoughts inside my head with a more realistic and positive statement instead of thinking "I'm never gonna be okay" or "I'll never fall in love again" and the likes. Did you know that we should thank our brain for thinking things like this that makes us go crazy each day? Really, it is just protecting us because having a broken heart hurts, and our subconscious doesn't want us to feel that pain again. Uhmmmmm? Okay, I'll try to thank my brain for making me go crazy.

Seriously, when a negative thought enters our mind, we need to pause and break that moment instantly and replace it with a positive one. My problem now is how to think about the positive, is thinking about all the bad side of your ex fall into this criteria? Maybe. I have read in another article that you should write all the bad stuffs about your ex (e.i. Over-protective, Liar, Cheater, Not Romantic, etc.) just about anything that you don't like about your ex, then write also all the good things that this break up can offer you (e.i.You can go out with friends without having to worry about what time you'll be home, You can do whatever you like that was against the will of your ex before, etc.). So every time you think about your ex, you can just flip on that paper or wherever you have written it and read it, they say this is helpful but honestly I haven't done this part but I'll start now and share this in my next post.

  

Lesson 1 - Identify Triggers

Break-ups are nightmares that are for real, sometimes you wish that you are just dreaming and find yourself awake to find him still there smiling and comforting you just the way it was before. But no matter what you do  you come to realize that this is real, his out of your life now and only God knows if he'll be back or not. 

The Emptiness Within Me

So based from the survey, my feeling was more than just loneliness,  it was emptiness. Loneliness can be manageable with few friends here and there but emptiness is different. At first I was in doubt, is this feeling of 'emptiness' true? Yes, I was full of life before when I'm with my friends, even though sometimes I have problems with my family, you cannot see any sign of that in my face. My friends won't even believe at first, it just didn't show. And now the break-up, I never pretended to be okay because I never was. And of course my friends knew, but I never told my family I didn't open up about this topic until now. So every time I'm at home after work and on weekends, I hid myself to the world and stay at my comfort zone - my room. Am I feeling empty? Yes, indeed. A part of me just went down the drain and that part meant almost the whole world to me and now it's gone. 

Fortunately, as advised by Amelie, I can fill that empty hole again by following some tips. The first tip she gave me was to identify the triggers that cause the pain. Triggers can either be the things you see in your room that reminds you of him, a song or even the things you usually do with him. 

I could say that this was the most difficult part I ever encountered especially the day after we broke up. The no.1 that triggered the pain was my cellphone, we started as being text mates, got close because of our constant texts, though we were friends and met once in awhile, we never talked to each other personally. When we started our relationship, we don't see each other much also but that wasn't a hinder in our relationship because every minute every hour of the day, we text each other from the moment we wake up greeting each other "Good Morning" until the day ends with a "Good night" for almost 5 years it has always been like that. When I wake up, I usually look at my cellphone to see if his awake already greeting me a 'Good Morning', but now it is very very painful to see my cellphone, no one will be greeting me anymore  though some of my friends will text me, it's just not the same. Every time there's a message I looked at it, hoping he'll text but I just end up disappointing myself why I keep on hoping. 

No.2 The internet. Aside from texting, we usually chat all night after I came home form work. Even before when we were still studying, we would always have time to chat for awhile even if we have constantly exchange text during the day, it was our routine. Even though I have assignments to finish, he'll wait for me so we can chat a little while before saying good night. One of my friend asked me what do I usually do after work when I get home, and I answered "I turn on my laptop and chat with him" a routine that you just can't forget in one day. So he advised me to change it, asking me what I'm fond of doing or I should exercise, jog and whatever just to change that routine that is already in my system for almost 5 years. 

These were the two challenges that I had to face each painful night, hoping he'll text or chat but just end up being hurt. Why do I love to feel the pain so much? I threw my sim card and bought a new one so that I won't have to look at my cellphone every minute to see if he text me because he doesn't have my new number, fortunately it did help me. As for the internet, I still go online but I deleted him in all my contacts, and chatted with some friends to keep me from thinking about him that much. Ironically, the topic that we chat about is about him, but at least I have someone to talk to rather than me talking to myself about him, it would just be too agonizing.

I really had to change my routine, I actually didn't now how I managed it but now these two trigger doesn't hurt that much anymore, though there are still times I'm hoping but the pain subsides now. I mean just because we've broken up I cannot go online anymore or text to my friends, right? 

Introduction

Initially when facing a break-up, you have two options either you FIGHT or LET GO. Imagine, there are only two options which would turn your whole world in topsy-turvy, but you have to decide. It really doesn't matter who broke up the relationship, you must concentrate more on how to deal with it and know what you really want. Try to ask yourself, is this relationship really worth saving? Trying to deal with your broken heart is really a challenge, it's a battle between your heart and your brain. You brain tells you to STOP thinking about your ex and just forget everything about him, but your heart just won't let you. 

I chose to trust my heart and believed that our relationship was worth saving so I tried to fight for it. Maybe I made the wrong decision but I didn't regret it; I told myself at least I did my best so I don't have to think of all the endless what-ifs that would surely drive me nuts, but I also felt more pain because of it. Then I came across this quote "The pain is necessary, but the suffering is optional", so I had to do something and again I don't believe in the saying, 'time heals all wounds' . I searched everything about how to mend a broken heart, how to heal a broken heart, how to forget your ex and many more. I'm dead serious about this, I really need a cure for this illness called break-up.

After searching through Google, I have found one website by Amelie Chance that caught my attention though her story was I think more tragic than mine, but I guess all broken-hearted people can relate to any story about broken relationship whether it's a strong bond like marriage, an affair or serious teen romance. Anyway, before you can start your healing process, you have to take a survey on What type of broken heart you have? So since it's free and there's no harm in trying I answered it and was surprised with the result. 

The result was that I fall into a category called "Emptiness" which is a pretty high category of pain. At first, I doubted it, I took this survey one month after our break-up already, was I really experiencing 'emptiness' until now? I took the survey again now 2 months after the break-up and got the same result. Doubts be gone. So it was stated there that the reason why it is so painful is that more than loneliness, I'm feeling emptiness also. I never expected that kind of result and even denied it but as I continue on reading it, I thought maybe she's right, maybe that's why it's so hard to let go. Though how hard it is, I was comforted in a way knowing that there is still HOPE, I mean I'm not the only broken-hearted person in this damn world, many have experienced and went through this pain some are even worst than mine, but now they're happy so why can't I be, I'm still young and not even married. 

Actually there are 15 healing steps, but I am only gonna share a bit of detailed on the 5 lessons I have received from my email since most of those healing steps like other websites are to be purchased. But from all the websites I have encountered this one really caught my attention, if I have the money right now I would invest on it but for this time, I guess the emails are quite enough. Thanks Amelie.

So easy to say, so hard to do...

After my last conversation with my ex, I had shutdown my world to try to find myself. I have deactivated my Facebook account, I didn't reply to the calls and messages of my friends, I didn't go online in my yahoo account and just stayed home for 2 weekends now which is really not me at all. I just wanted time for myself, though from reading articles on how to mend a broken heart, I should go out and try to have fun but I told myself give me one month and I'll be back to being me again. 

Easy to say, but I know it's really hard to do. So these past days, I busied myself writing this blog and searching for the right healing process though they mostly said the same thing, those that caught my attention I write about it on this blog. I'm trying to apply all of it, I really want to be okay and stop this hurting already. I'm not mad at my ex, I made a promise to myself and even to him that I won't have a grudge on him, I want us to be friends someday, somewhere, I just don't know when and where.

The hardest part of this is not because he lied and cheated on me, that's just about 20% of the pain, the majority of it is because I lost my him, I lost bestfriend. He was the only person who I can share my problems, who I can tell about anything that is going around me whether it's a big issue or no issue at all, I just want to share and talk about it. Though I have my friends, but I cannot just tell them everything at anytime because I know they are doing something, or busy with something or with someone, I don't want to disturb them and besides I cannot force them to reply to me every single time, unlike him.  

And another thing, I really don't understand him. He told me before that he'll be back, but he just needs time. If I'm really a gaga which I am now, I know he still loves me or that's what I think but I can still feel it, Love just can't disappear overnight. Anyway, when I called him up before he was even crying, telling me not to cry anymore and that I should stop hurting, easy for him to say. My theory is that he loves me but doesn't want to see me in pain, that's why he is hiding from me. Hahaha! I really don't know actually but that's my theory. I wanted a closure but how can that be a closure when I asked him if I can date another guy now, and he responded "It depends on you, but "I'll get you back" I was like whaaaaaaaat? And this is the closure I get? How can I move on if he's not helping me out, I can even still see my photos in his Facebook account, really I cannot understand he wants me to forget him and leave him alone, who wouldn't? His making this situation more complicated, why can't he just tell me that it's over, so that I won't have to expect any longer.

Damn, why is this so hard. I have already removed every thing that could remind me of him. I have constantly told my brain to STOP every time I think about him which is about thrice every hour, so you just can imagine me, almost yelling at myself to stop. No matter how hard I try, following their advises, my heart won't cooperate with my brain. Actually I was almost there, I was telling my self I'm almost ready since I have been concentrating on how to do about it for a week already but just one day and it was shattered, I wept for the whole night again just because I went to a mall that was our constant meeting place. Every corner of that mall reminds me of him, I was even thinking what if we'll meet here, what would be my reaction or his reaction? Or what if I found him here with the girl, should I slap them both? 

Then that night, my father and uncle had a fight, I have no one to turn to and I just realized that before people told me I was strong and was able to handle or hide my true feelings about my family problems and it was because he was there. He made me strong, he was the wall I lean on everytime I feel down or about to give up, he was there holding me and encouraging me to stand up again. He was my strength and now my weakness.

How to Deal Breakups in Facebook

Dealing with a breakup is really hard to handle especially if it's your first major heartbreak; often times you feel sad - you just want to cry all day; then angry - you want to slap that bastards face, then happy - as memories flashback in your mind, and then confused of all the mixed emotions that you feel in just a short span of time. It is really quite overwhelming especially when you're brain and heart do not agree. Your brain tells you to STOP but your heart just won't let you, and even if how smart you are when it comes to love your brain cannot control your heart anymore.

And one conflicting situations when your brain and your heart disagree is what you're going to do with your Facebook. No.1 question is "Should I unfriend him?" and many more to follow. I have came across a video in the internet regarding what to do, what not to do and what never should do in your Facebook.

DO's 

1. Profile Picture 

Your profile picture is the first thing that is visible in Facebook. What you choose as your profile picture depicts you. So if you upload a picture with a sad look on your face or an 'emo' picture, then people would think that that is how you feel right now - depressed and lonely. Try to cheer up, look at the camera and give it your best SMILE, so people especially your ex will think that your happy with or without them.

2. Status Updates

Aside from your profile picture, your status updates would depict also what you are feeling at the moment, people would right away know just by reading your post that you're happy, sad or confused. Just like the photo, if you post about sad and heart broken quotes, then your ex will think that you still haven't get over it yet. Tell your ex, though not upfront that your doing fine and that your good at keeping your emotions. That should ring a bell if they think that you have already moved up and they haven't.

3. Comments

Live your life the way it was before minus your ex though. Comment on your friends wall post, photos and etc. Let them see that your living your life the way it was, that you've find YOU once again. Just avoid topics that talks and create memories of your ex.

4. Adding Friends

You may have lost one friend\ but this might be a chance to meet new friends also. As they say, friends come and go. Keep adding friends, your ex will soon notice - thanks to automatic posting on Facebook; and will  get curious especially if you added a friend of the opposite sex. Is this a jealousy attack? What for? It's a free country, it's good to make new friends and in the first place why should he get jealous? *winks

5. Likes

Click that LIKE button. LIKE.LIKE.LIKE. But be cautious also like on it if you really do like it, does having a positive impact on you. No need to flood the wall with all those likes, people might think of you as a KSP or "Kulang sa Pansin" in English you're lacking attention.

6. Photo Album

Remember that one way to heal a broken heart is that you need to go out with family and friends, so while doing it don't forget to take a whole lot of pictures of you and that you're enjoying every moment of it. Let him see you with that great smile. Make him envious that he could have enjoyed it also if not for the breakup.

7. Untag

Surely you have pictures of your ex on your Facebook, UNTAG them right away if possible delete photos that he's in it or better yet just hide it using 'Only Me' in your privacy settings. You may not have displayed your relationship status but knowing that his face isn't found in your account, he'll get the message.

DONT's

1. Relationship Status 

Changing relationship status would not only get your ex's attention but everybody on your Facebook. So if you're not ready to tell the world yet, keep it to yourself first. You may change it if that will make you feel better, that it is a sign that your ready to move on then do it but you must be ready for the the why's and how's of people. It would really be better if you just don't post it at all or hide it so only you can see it.

2. Unfriend 

As they say, you must keep your enemies close so don't untag your ex if you want to get back at him or you want him back.

3. Negative Post

This is regarding about your status updates that again you should not post sad or depressing quotes on your wall. Your friends will just feel sorry for you, and not to mention your unfriend ex.

4. Be Boring

Again, don't let them see you're so affected. Don't be boring, don't tell or comment your friends that you just don't know what to do anymore. Get your life back.

5. Jealousy 

I believe this is a sort of defense mechanism, as they say you can only move on if you find someone new. So after breakup the tendency would be either you weep for days, weeks, months and even years; or you get back at your ex by seeing someone right after the breakup. Jealousy attacks could either ignite your ex or the opposite. So if you're planning to get your ex back, don't do this - there will be a tendency that you'll be losing him forever or you'll just end up hurting yourself because he just didn't care at all.

NEVER EVER

1. STALK

Actually this is connected with DONT's no.2 - Unfriend. Stalking your ex is really a big NO, not only will you get hurt if you've found something about him, you can never let go and move on as well. So if you just can't help it, it is better to unfriend your ex in this case. I guess we enter this stage once in awhile, trying to know how his doing, what he is up to, but if every minute every hour you'll check his profile then you have to STOP - there's really nothing good about it.

These are ways on how to get back your ex as the man in the video has said in this website, but I believe that this works in two ways getting your ex back and getting yourself back together also. Honestly, I had done both the Do's and the Dont's already, I would have wanted to try since I wanted my ex back but I discovered this video too late already. I had unfriend my ex then add him as a friend again and then unfriend and blocked him again including his family and friends. And now I am having a hard time on how to explain my wrong behavior so I just deactivated my Facebook now. I really don't know if this really works, but if your willing to try then go ahead, there's really no harm in trying and as I have said I think this works in two ways, there's really nothing to lose, either you'll get your ex back if that is what you want or you can get yourself together, live your life again and enjoy Facebook-ing. 

Five Ways to Deal with a Breakup

A breakup is one of the most difficult situation that nobody wants to encounter but is a reality that one must face. It is never easy, you're in a situation that you feel that your whole world is being torn apart. You feel that the pain is just too much and there's no way that it will heal. I guess we are all familiar with the phrase, "Time heals all wounds" since we often hear our friends saying this to brush aside the pain that we are feeling now. I honestly don't believe in this saying - according to Jeff Herring "Time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us, or keeps us stuck".

So instead of waiting for the TIME, which nobody exactly knows when that said time will come. You need to find ways to heal that broken heart of yours now, since if you just wait for the TIME to pass by doing nothing then mostly the pain will not subside. I've found here 5 ways to Deal with a Breakup, that would not only help you to get back at your Ex but may also be helpful in getting your Ex back. 

 1. BE STRONG

Being strong doesn't necessarily mean that you should not cry, feel depressed, or sulk in your bed after the breakup; it is just normal that you feel this way, there's nothing to be ashamed of. To be able to deal with it; first, you should let it tear you apart but second, you must know how overcome it. You may have beg him to come back and looked so desperate already; that's just understandable everybody goes into that stage especially if you really love your ex but now you need to STOP. Let your ex think that you have moved on and you're happy even without him. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not.

2. MINIMIZE COMMUNICATION

Minimize or if possible there should be no communication with your ex, this may allow both parties to heal and move past the grief but is also very difficult to do especially if you want your ex back. But take note this may also be a key to get your ex back, since how can someone miss you if you are constantly chasing and begging them to come back, right? And indeed you do heal faster and learn how to let go and get on with your life when you know little or nothing at all with what's happening to your ex's life.

3. BE FLEXIBLE

Even if your world had just been torn apart and your heart broken in pieces, DON'T TURN BITTER. Don't force or put him in a situation that he isn't willing to be in, let him decide and choose how he wants things to happen. If you choose your own demanding way, you'll just end up being hurt again because of your expectations. Be flexible, try to understand . This side of you will surely surprise you're ex, and may inspire them to build the lines of communication again. 

4. GO OUT!

A breakup doesn't have to be the end of you, it can and will be a new beginning for you. You had already mourned over that relationship, so now is the time to get yourself together again. Go out with your friends and enjoy life the way you wanted it. Engage in different activities - exercising, travelling, and etc. Not only are you helping yourself to heal, you are also showing your ex that he lost a gem.

5. BE YOURSELF

There's no need to change who you are just because of this breakup. It will just show that you were really affected with it, change can be if it is for the better. Just be yourself, be the person everyone knows you to be even you're ex. This may win back your ex and make him remember why he fell in love with you in the first place.

Above all these, we should not forget to PRAY, this is one of the most powerful tool to be able to heal not only heartbreaks but all the problems in life. In God, I trust!

The Five Stages of Grief - "DABDA"

The five stages of grief abbreviated as "DABDA" was made by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross which was first thought of as stages to cope up with death. But now these stages are best-known description of the emotional and psychological responses that many people experience when faced with a life-changing situation (e.i Death of a loved one, Illness, Divorce, Break-ups,etc.)

All the five stages may not be experienced by everyone, nor patterned in any order. It depends on how emotionally and psychologically strong or weak a person is when trying to cope the challenges of life.  

I experienced these Five Stages during our break-up.

Denial -The first step in the DABDA theory of coping with a loss. It is in this stage that you think that you're just having a nightmare, both of you will be awake any moment and be back into each other's arms again. 

In my situation, the day after our break-up I told myself to cry and cry for one week until the pain will subside but I was really surprised that after 3 days I was already forcing myself to cry because my tears just won't fall out of my eyes. They said that I was just STRONG, how I really wished to be strong but I knew I wasn't. Until, one of my friend told me about this theory and that I was still in the DENIAL Stage, and subconsciously I was thinking like "I know he loves me, he cannot live without me, he'll come back to me soon, maybe tomorrow".

Anger - One often enters this stage of coping after moving through the denial stage. Most likely you may start thinking if it is really over and ask questions like "How dare he do this to me?", "Why did I fall in love with a stupid guy like him?", "Is he really worth it?", etc. It is in this stage that you realize that all your expectations that you were hoping are about to reach a dead end.

So I said to myself before, "I know he'll come back to me - tomorrow". A day after tomorrow had passed then another then another until one week had passed but still no sign of him. Fear crept inside me, I was frustrated because I had expected him to come knocking at my door begging for forgiveness but no, not even a single call or text. Why? Who does he think he is? Now this was the stage when I was really tempted to know who the "girl" is, as mentioned I didn't want to because I don't want any feud to happen. And I was already blabbering to myself and my friends all the negative stuffs about him. "He really isn't romantic, He gets jealous on every guy I met, He is just over-protective. I deserve someone better!" 

Bargaining - One synonym for bargain is to make a deal. As anger subsides or even in the midst of it, bargaining comes in. In this stage even though your expectations are close to an end, you're trying to think on making a deal with your Ex and hoping there's still a chance, a hope.

I have bargained my PRIDE. In our relationship, my pride was always blocking the way especially if we have an argument, I would never make the first move for us to reconcile. Maybe, once or twice if it is really my fault but that happens once in a blue moon. I was thinking that he was the one who fought and held on in our relationship from the start since I easily give up, so now maybe just maybe it was my time to FIGHT. Yes, I was hurt and wounded but that didn't mean that I don't love him anymore or this relationship has to end because of the pain - I just thought of it as a challenge - a very difficult challenge. Though I wasn't the one who destroyed our relationship, I made the first move because I just can't stand why there was no sign of him. 

First Move -  Actually this happened the day after the confession when I went to his place, hoping and trying to see if we can work something out. I don't know why I did it, anyone can tell that I just swallowed a big chunk of my pride that day. I'm not so sure if that was really the official date of our break-up, who gives a damn, there's nothing to celebrate anyway.

Second Move - Wrote a letter on our supposed to be 5th Anniversary quoting a song "I'll let you go, I'll set you free. And when you see what you need to see, when you find you come back to me..." but then restating it "...I won't EXPECT you to come back to me..." because honestly I was expecting almost everyday but nothing, I'm just being unfair to myself. You know I was hoping he'll get the meaning behind the 'won't expect' phrase.   

Third Move - Invited him to join our summer escapade, though really that wasn't planned; it was only when we weren't able to ride the boat as scheduled. My friends were the one who tried to pursue him to come, he said he is still ashamed, so I talked to him that it's okay; he wanted to come but he just couldn't or wouldn't. 

Fourth Move - Since I blocked his facebook account after our break-up, I added him as a friend. I even posted in my wall "Hello, old friend!" I don't want him to feel uneasy, I know his guilty so I made friends with him, hoping he'll open up.

Fifth Move - Lastly, since I just cannot stand it anymore, I called and texted him - Big Mistake.

Depression - When it is becoming clear that bargaining stage didn't work, you're now experience the very highlight of all break-ups, the stage of depression. Bad news, you're entering a stage that is likely to tear your world apart; but Good News is you're one step closer to fully accepting it.

Honestly, I don't know were to start, talking about this stage is quite depressing indeed. My heart just keeps on breaking apart after every bargaining moves I made, which was all a big F - for Failure; maybe the fourth move was close but I didn't have the patience to wait so I went back to stage two after that. We'll I could only blame myself for this, since everybody told me to STOP, but my heart just won't listen. Before I have to force myself to cry, now it's the opposite I have to force myself to stop crying which is really hard to control. 

As of now, I'm still at this stage, still trying to cope up with it. I decided to shut my world for awhile, I know from reading articles about healing a broken heart, you need to go out; I just want to find myself first before facing a new/old world - a world without him. 

Acceptance - This is the stage where most people would like to be after any break-up. Though there really isn't any time frame for this, some may reach this stage in a short span of time but I guess for most of us who had a serious relationship it would really take some time, maybe months or even years depending on how attached you were in your relationship and on how you were able to deal with it. But one thing for sure, it will come. 

COMING SOON!!!